Whitnee's journey with Christ

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17 (NIV)

Yesterday started off a little rough but by the end of the night I was smiling and looking at the pictures I had taken of a double rainbow 🌈.

I hadn’t got much sleep the night before and woke a little cranky. I nudged Rico to wake up and go see if my mom was okay but ended up waking up to suction her. Little to my surprise I wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep due to a chain of unforeseen circumstances. Shortly after I decided to go ahead and tackle laundry and wash clothes because the social worker would be coming soon to visit with my mom.

I was extremely tired and lacked any amount of energy to get through the visit with the social worker so I decided to take a hot shower to get myself together. My timing could not have been worse! The social worker rung the doorbell not even five minutes after stepping foot in the shower. I cried as I showered because I was looking forward to the time to be able to “let my hair down” and relax.

I was able to introduce myself to the social worker and assist my mom with answering questions and then she was on her way. She was such a kind, soft spoken young lady. My mom wrote and asked me about the piles of laundry I had just recently separated and was washing load by load. She wasn’t happy with where I placed it and all I could think is I could care less about the laundry but I sucked it up and moved it to the place of her liking. I’m sure if she saw my face and how I looked like I was up all night she wouldn’t be worried about the laundry.

I had about an hour and a half before the Speech Therapist came so I decided to tackle some work while it was quiet. So I thought! I was TOTALLY WRONG!!! My mom has become congested and I needed to suction her. Suctioning turned into pain management and then it was med time. I was starting to spiral out of control because all I wanted was just to lay down for maybe an hour.

It’s so easy for people to think I can rest when my mom rests but I still have a full time job to manage, kids, and wifely duties. I didn’t feel very motherly or wifely….caregiving had taken over and I was feeling the affects of it. As I started to feel feelings of excitement I decided to text a few friends and get advise and one friend pointed me to the book of Ephesians. We shared laughs and I felt better.

If only that feeling would have lasted longer. The boys got up and walking past their rooms I thought a corpse had risen from the dead and died again so I cracked the whip and made them clean up. Micah tried to be a wise crack and it frustrated me so I just buried my feelings into more laundry and prayer.

Next thing I know an hour had passed by and Rico (whom I sent on a medicine run for my mom) had not gotten back. His phone was going to voicemail and I started to panic. Jasmine went searching for him but didn’t come up with anything. He called about 30 minutes later and told me that him and a neighbor caught a flat getting of the interstate. I told my mom I had to go get him, so I did. I was so scared leaving her by herself but I knew God was watching her.

I got back in about five minutes and I can tell my mom had been watching the clock. This was my first time leaving her and though I felt guilty I just admit it felt good getting in the car and driving even if it were just to rescue my stranded husband. I was so frustrated I didn’t look at the blessing to get out of the house, I fussed and yelled the whole way home and slammed the door as I came back inside.

You won’t believe what happened next? I was so tired I had not eaten and two sweet friends came over with goodies for the kids, fruit, homemade dessert, and a delicious looking meal. I had been looking at the sales paper earlier saying how I wanted strawberries, peaches and nectarines. God placed it on their heart without them knowing my desire and brought it to our doorstep. I don’t think they knew how much it meant to me so I had to call and then send texts to show my appreciation. God used them to bring me peace and comfort.

For anyone who can say this journey is a piece of cake will have a nose like Pinocchio. It does wear you out physically but it is spiritually and mentally rewarding!

As the day went on my mom had some more stomach pain and needed additional medication. This was a feminine product, one that I’m sure Rico would not come back with the right product. I got a chance to go out again, shhhh don’t tell my aunts they will kill me if they find out I left but I needed a break to feel like a human again. To be honest my home had turned into a prison, no sunlight, no walking to the mailbox, no fresh air, no rest. I’ve never gone to jail before but I honestly felt I could relate.

People reading this may think I’m a horrible daughter but luckily I know me and God knows my heart. I have to be transparent to show God in this. If it were up to me, mere human, I would have ran for the hills and not come back, I would have looked for an out and that would have been the end of the story. But God!!!! God supplies all of my needs and He and He alone give me the strength to keep on keeping on. I count it all to joy!

They say it takes a special kind of person to make the commitment and the sacrifice I’ve done and I couldn’t disagree more. It takes one who is obedient to God and a servant of His. I’m not special in no way but I am a Beloved Child of God who is allowing Him to use me to help my mom.

On my way back from the store I saw a huge beautiful rainbow. I looked a little closer and noticed it was a double rainbow. My heart was full of joy and God held the stop light a little while longer so I could see this beautiful gift. I laughed and smiled riding down the road and I thanked God for always knowing what to do to cheer me up and show me that He is always here with me.

Knowing that God is with me and knows what’s going on, I keep pushing forward. My mom is pushing forward and at times I can tell she doesn’t want to “bother” me so I can rest but I rest better knowing she is okay. I know this too shall pass and I’m just so thankful for the people God has placed in my life. Every call, every text, every Ensure, every meal, every protein supplement, call brings joy to me knowing I’m not a “Lone Ranger.” You all are helping me spread the story of God’s love and of salvation.

I’m so happy that God has surrounded me with such lovely people. I’m so happy He has surrounded me with people who are eager to know of His love and His grace. I thank God for the nonjudgmental persons who will read this and see my vulnerability in a positive way. Anytime we face things we have to be willing to share because when others are ready to throw in the towel maybe this story will encourage you or someone you know to continue the fight with faith.

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens the wits of another.

Proverbs 27:17

Lord as we continue to live life it is my prayer that You continue to help us sharpen one another. Dear God allow us to keep it real and tell our story and open the hearts and minds of those to receive our message out of love. Let us look upon You to guide us and help us show love so others will be willing to share.

As the Bible says I do not forsake my friends or my father’s friends. I don’t take for granted the love of my family and all of God’s creations. Writing this allowed me to tell you in words that though I have taken on this task to see my mom through to a place of self sufficiency, I am human and I get tired too BUT by the grace of God people will see His strength in me.

May God bless you and give you the strength to continue to fight the good fight of faith and to endure. Don’t pray for God to take away the ailments or the misfortunes, pray for the strength to endure. I’m going to endure to the end and my mom will prevail!