Whitnee's journey with Christ

I’ve tried all day to write these words and it seems like distractions are at all time high today. I simply sought to sit and just be, but it doesn’t seem that simple these days. And so I sit in the midst of chaos, other peoples gripes and moans, loud music, conversations, dogs barking, basketballs bouncing, and more. I never thought it would be so hard to get the quiet moments I’m desperately in need of. How do I disconnect from the world just for a few moments to be with you?

Four years feels just like yesterday.

Dear Lord, as I seek quiet moments to spend time reflecting, praying, seeking a deeper connection, better understanding, and honoring my mom please give me the ability to set healthy boundaries that don’t leave me mentally exhausted, frustrated, or yearning for peace & quiet. As I seek to be still and hear from you Lord, please give me the strength to be intentional and never forget the importance of quiet time with you. Help me to hear Your voice through all it all.

Hours have passed and I’m just on paragraph number 3. By now I would have had a whole page or two written but for some reason…long sigh…I guess it’s just one of those days.

I couldn’t figure out how to honor this day. I couldn’t figure out should I get the boys Frosty’s, get some pork skins, Lay’s potato chips, a milkshake from Arby’s, boiled peanuts, or the infamous Tuesday special at Popeyes?! I’m always so indecisive so I guess I’ll do what I’ve done for the last 3 years, get a little bit of this and a little bit of that! As a matter of fact, I am right beside a Popeyes!

It’s finally quiet and it’s starting to look gloomy outside. Today’s forecast said it was going to be clear skies and 70 degrees. I guess the weather man was wrong again as I wipe the rain drop from the left side of my cheek.

I wonder are birthdays and anniversaries celebrated in Heaven?

Listening to the cars pass, tires screech, the wind blow, and birds chirp I’m starting to feel the gentle quietness I longed for all morning. But only now it seems the words are harder to form.

So many thoughts, so many emotions, a lot of healing wounds and then things go numb. When will the pain in my heart go away? When will the flutter in my chest when I pull up the house stop? When will I ever catch my breath walking up those dreadful steps? When can I walk into the room that your sweet perfume and laughter once filled, without crying? Will there ever be a day that I will truly be okay without you here with me?

I know that day will come but I don’t know when. Could it be a day, a week, a month, a year, years, a decade or maybe even a lifetime?! March 4, 2021 left a hole in my heart and 4 years later the wound is still exposed. Help me Lord, I need you more and more everyday.

Maybe one day the tears will stop flowing. Momma I know there is no more rain in your clouds but your spirit will live on.

Until next time momma, I’ll love you always.