I’ve tried all day to write these words and it seems like distractions are at all time high today. I simply sought to sit and just be, but it doesn’t seem that simple these days. And so I sit in the midst of chaos, other peoples gripes and moans, loud music, conversations, dogs barking, basketballs bouncing, and more. I never thought it would be so hard to get the quiet moments I’m desperately in need of. How do I disconnect from the world just for a few moments to be with you?
Four years feels just like yesterday.
Dear Lord, as I seek quiet moments to spend time reflecting, praying, seeking a deeper connection, better understanding, and honoring my mom please give me the ability to set healthy boundaries that don’t leave me mentally exhausted, frustrated, or yearning for peace & quiet. As I seek to be still and hear from you Lord, please give me the strength to be intentional and never forget the importance of quiet time with you. Help me to hear Your voice through all it all.
Hours have passed and I’m just on paragraph number 3. By now I would have had a whole page or two written but for some reason…long sigh…I guess it’s just one of those days.
I couldn’t figure out how to honor this day. I couldn’t figure out should I get the boys Frosty’s, get some pork skins, Lay’s potato chips, a milkshake from Arby’s, boiled peanuts, or the infamous Tuesday special at Popeyes?! I’m always so indecisive so I guess I’ll do what I’ve done for the last 3 years, get a little bit of this and a little bit of that! As a matter of fact, I am right beside a Popeyes!
It’s finally quiet and it’s starting to look gloomy outside. Today’s forecast said it was going to be clear skies and 70 degrees. I guess the weather man was wrong again as I wipe the rain drop from the left side of my cheek.
I wonder are birthdays and anniversaries celebrated in Heaven?
Listening to the cars pass, tires screech, the wind blow, and birds chirp I’m starting to feel the gentle quietness I longed for all morning. But only now it seems the words are harder to form.
So many thoughts, so many emotions, a lot of healing wounds and then things go numb. When will the pain in my heart go away? When will the flutter in my chest when I pull up the house stop? When will I ever catch my breath walking up those dreadful steps? When can I walk into the room that your sweet perfume and laughter once filled, without crying? Will there ever be a day that I will truly be okay without you here with me?
I know that day will come but I don’t know when. Could it be a day, a week, a month, a year, years, a decade or maybe even a lifetime?! March 4, 2021 left a hole in my heart and 4 years later the wound is still exposed. Help me Lord, I need you more and more everyday.
Maybe one day the tears will stop flowing. Momma I know there is no more rain in your clouds but your spirit will live on.
Until next time momma, I’ll love you always.
Hugs and prays
😊
Continuing to lift prayers for you, my sister as you honor your mother with your tears and all the memories. God holds your heart. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
💜🤗
May God continue to comfort you my dear friend. Remember that you have gained an angel & she is with you every second of everyday!!! 😇❤️
Amen.
💜🙏
Awwww pig nose. Mrs. Davis is right here with you. I see her everyday that I look at you. I see her in your cooking…I see her when I see the lady bugs…..You know how many bags of lays potato chips I see and I see Mrs. Davis and I see Mr. Davis as well. I see her in the clothing stores. Every Time I pass the High Rise I see her. Every time I see someone helping someone I see her. I see Mrs. Davis. I think about the time she defended you and said boldly, I didn’t come here to talk about my daughter, I came here to worship…and Boom. Mouth Closed! Because that’s what it’s about…God getting his glory, praise, and worship. When I think of Mrs. Davis I think of service, service, and service. Let me not talk about the time she came to my apartment when Joshua was born and she cooked those turkey wings and rice and she cleaned my apartment for me….. So Whitnee, it’s never a day go by that I don’t see Mrs. Davis flying on flowers or in my house on a wall (ladybug) , or I see someone helping someone else selflessly. That was Mrs. Davis. Now it’s ok to cry because Annette would have been 75 this year August 5 and Hun would have been 105 this year August 26 and Deanna would have been 53 in December….I am so glad that you at least got to minister and help people with your Mom. You got the actual chance to Take Care of your Mom! I wanted to opportunity to take care of my mom or grandmother but I didn’t get a chance to. I wanted to thank her for taking care of my and it is nothing but honor to do the same for her. There are many things that I wanted to do but didn’t have the chance to but I saw you did with your mom and that makes my soul smile. You honored her like the bible says to do. You are blesses and will be blesses beyond measure. Love you Friend.
Now how you going back and reading these messages. I have been a bowl of tears reading these responses. Thank you for the encouragement and gentle nudges. I love you too horse nose.