Today marks 14 years that you left us. No matter how many years go by I still miss you like it was yesterday. Over the years I\u2019ve experienced so much but the greatest joy to date is developing that relationship with Christ that you always preached about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
You once told me that if I was woman enough to do it then I should be woman enough to tell someone about it because it may just help someone. So today as I reflect back on that tragic day that you left this earth I\u2019m going to do just that. It\u2019s time for the mask to come off!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So daddy you know I haven\u2019t written since the beginning of February- so many emotions bottled up inside. At times I felt like I was going to explode yet at times I felt so empty inside and felt like maybe my story isn\u2019t one to be shared. Then it\u2019s times like what happened to me on yesterday that remind me of the voice God gave to me and the strength He has blessed with me is to be shared with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So here we are daddy; it\u2019s time to share! I\u2019m going to let it all hang out. No more hiding, no more suppressing feelings, no more saying what I think people want to hear \u201cI\u2019m doing well, how are you doing?!\u201d No more going through the motions like everything is okay but truth be told everything is not okay and at times I\u2019m not okay but daddy; I will be okay. I will be okay because my faith in God and I know His promises for my life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dear Heavenly Father, I need your help! Help me to open my mouth and speak boldly to share the Good News. Allow me to be an ambassador in chains that will speak boldly to share just how good You are. And Heavenly Father guide my lips, guide my tongue, guide my mind, guide my thoughts so I can glorify your Holy and precious name. In Jesus name. Amen. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n So you know I\u2019ve been going through some things since mom passed away. I never knew my heart would ache so bad over loosing anyone as much as it ached when we lost you. You know I was a daddy\u2019s girl but in the last few years God opened up my heart to make the space for mom too and I\u2019m so glad He did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Did you know I had asked God after you passed away to take me before he took mom. Can I be honest daddy? I was upset because God didn\u2019t answer that prayer. I didn\u2019t think I could see myself living without mommy or daddy. I didn\u2019t think I could make it on my own. I didn\u2019t want to be alone. I didn\u2019t want to feel the void it left when both of you took your last breath but God has been sustaining me. Through the presence of the red birds and ladybugs I know you all are still with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n And guess what daddy?!! We had a visitor our first few nights in our home. This particular night I saw a shadow in the night, I heard foot steps, I felt someone watching me, I felt the warmness of their presence and the peace in their hearts. Mom was telling me that she was okay and she would always be with us but my guilt didn\u2019t allow me to accept it. As a matter of fact my guilt had taken control of me and it had gotten so bad I started to loose focus. I began to doubt my intentions, my actions and everything leading up to moms last couple of days on earth. I felt like a monster. I felt like it was my fault. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Knowing who God truly is I know He didn\u2019t want me feeling this way. Although \u201cI did everything I could to keep mom here\u201d, I know it was her time to join you in Heaven. I just thought I would be able to tell her that I love her and that I was happy God allowed me the time, space, courage, and wisdom to take care of her. Daddy you think mom knows that? Do you think she knows how much I loved and adored her? And that I wouldn\u2019t trade her for the world! <\/p>\n\n\n\n You know I wasn\u2019t going to write but I was listening to music and moms favorite song came on \u201cThis Battle Is Not Yours.\u201d I cried like a baby! I mean tears like no other. Then something said open up your Bible. As soon as I opened up my Bible Hosea 6:1-3 was highlighted. Beside the passage of scripture was moms obituary. I had not looked at it since the day of her home going. Truth be told I hadn\u2019t opened my physical Bible since the day of her home going. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Guess what happened after that daddy? The song Ain\u2019t No Need To Worry by Vickie and Marvin Winans began to play and those tears of sorrow became tears of joy. They became soothing and healing. <\/p>\n\n\n\n God has been speaking to me this entire time and the moments and reminders of just how God loves us is what I will hold onto when the enemy tries to hold this dark cloud over my head. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I know this isn\u2019t much of a letter daddy but I just had to let you know that Thursday\u2019s night support group really hit the nail on the head for me. I felt like God knew just the write words that would captivate my mind and empower me to continue to fight battles on my knees while thanking God for the test that ultimately is or will me stronger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n God has removed that fear and he has squashed the doubt in my heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Now it\u2019s time to get back on track and continue to spread the Good News and be transparent. It\u2019s been hard to be transparent when I\u2019m so vulnerable and sensitive right now BUT then I thought this is the best time to open up because God always gets the glory. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019m reminded of 1 Peter 4:7-11. I want to serve for God\u2019s glory! I want to pick up where my mom left off and most importantly I want to continue her legacy of love, service, help, nurturing, and loving everyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Get your rest daddy. And I know it will be all over in the morning. So until that morning comes I\u2019ll keep on writing and sharing and trying to encourage someone to do the same. <\/p>\n\n\n\n More later daddy, I love you!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"