Whitnee's journey with Christ

Yesterday we celebrated Emmanuel’s 9th birthday and Rico’s birthday. Yes my middle son was born on my husbands birthday. When they gave me the choice to choose which date I would be induced, Rico and I instantly chose his birthday. I mean what better gift but to give your husband a son on his birthday. Plus every time money is low I should be able to look at Rico while pointing at Emmanuel and say “happy birthday.” I wonder what Emmanuel will look like wrapped in a big, red bow??!!!

This year was a a little different, Rico had decided to go to Atlanta for his birthday this year. It’s the first year he had decided to do something separate from Emmanuel. I mean I can understand why; although they share a birthday one would want to do something special for themselves. It’s not too many things a grown man can do with their 9 year old son without making everything about the child.

So he went to Atlanta. While he was in Atlanta I have my been planning the “perfect birthday” for Emmanuel. Since he is a “daddy’s boy”, I knew not having Rico here this year he would be sad. With the help of some friends and the generosity from a family friend, his day was a success.

Earlier that day my mom had decided she wasn’t going to go. The original plan was she would go but stay on the inside, in a separate area where I could see her but she would be away from the crowd. We have to take every precaution during this pandemic not to get her sick or infected with this dreadful virus. But she decided she wasn’t going to go.

Honestly I was going to call the whole thing off because I had never left her totally alone but I asked my Father in heaven to keep watch over her while we were apart. God answered my prayers. I had so wanted my child to have a “normal birthday party” although it was scaled down from the past couple of years due to the pandemic so I’m thankful my mom insisted that I allow Emmanuel to have this time. Special thanks to Teri, Dave, Kelly, Faith, Jamika, Krystal, and Laurence for bringing the kiddos to make this day so special for my baby).

I got back home and rushed in to make sure my mom was okay. She smiled and shook her head signaling that everything was okay. I didn’t want to put her on blast but this little woman is puts the FEISTY in feisty! I texted this woman while at the pool party for Emmanuel and with “moms sarcasm” she said she was okay. She must have responded before I sent my last text and I didn’t see her response so this is what she said:

So after getting her tube feeds going, run her daily flush, and get her meds going we sat down and watched a movie. I haven’t been able to have my movie nights with Shanya due to her mom not allowing her to come around so it’s been very refreshing and comforting to at least be able to have the movie time with my mom. I always have so much to do but watching movies with mom help to take the edge off.

It was starting to get late and I was so tired so before I went to sleep I did what I always do; ask my mom does she need to be auctioned. Although she was very stuffed up I wanted her to sleep well so I could as well. Boy did the enemy mess all my plans up….

I took her inner canula out and was unable to put it back in so I deep suctioned in hopes of getting the mucus plug out. Her airway was clear or so I thought but I was not able to get the inner cannula back in so I had to take it to the next level. She can’t stand when I have to take her trachea out; I’ll be honest I hate it to and I hate it for her but I have to make sure her airway is clear.

As I was clearing the thick mucus from her trachea I turned around and my mom seemed to have difficulty breathing. She said she was fine so I resumed cleaning the trachea out. My mom spoke! I’m not a doctor and definitely nothing close to being medically educated but I know she should not have been able to talk without her trachea in along with with the speaking valve. Something was definitely wrong!

My mom touched my arm gently and said “it’s going to be alright Whitnee’.” She looked towards the ceiling and laid back repeating the words “Thank you Lord, thank you Lord.” We both agreed it was time to call 911. Without going into lengthy detail because it’s so hard to think about without crying, I had to cry.

In those moments from the time I called the ambulance until the time EMS arrived , I can say honestly I WAS TERRIFIED!!! I cried out, “HElP MY MOM LORD.” I sung “Yes Jesus Loves Me” in my head because I know I am weak but He is strong. I apologized to my mom for failing her then I apologized for leaving her. Y’all do not know the pain I was in- I thought she was going to leave us last night.

I called Regis to come sit with my boys and then I called Tal and sent out a few texts asking for prayer. Regis showed up right after the ambulance got here. The EMS personnel asked me to deep suction her again and they applauded me for what I’m doing but little did they know I felt HORRIBLE; I felt like it was my fault but they reassured me “these things happen” and walked her to the stretcher.

Regis took the boys back to his house and the EMS personnel told me since I am my moms caregiver I could follow the ambulance to the hospital. I called Rico to help me remain calm and to my surprise I beat the ambulance there. I had to sit outside until they called me back. The nurse called me after about 20 minutes- that was the longest 20 minutes of my life!

You all don’t know the relief I had when I finally got back to see my mom. I knew God has her but I wasn’t sure God “called her home.” I spoke to the nurse, the respiratory team, and the doctor; they all told me I did a good job but I don’t care about a “pat on the back” I wanted to know my mom would be okay. As my mom cried in pain, I cried too!

The doctor said they would not have to keep her over night but to “keep doing” what I’m doing and then follow up with her regular ear nose and throat specialist Monday morning because they had to downsize her trachea due to whatever reason. We got home right before 4am. We were all tired. Regis stayed up texting to make sure my mom was okay, so did Tal.

Shortly after 7am my mom woke me up because her trachea was clogged. It’s something about God’s strength. Lord knows I was delirious around this time but He gave me His strength to clear her out and then go back to bed once I knew she was okay.

Guess what y’all? Tal and Bess (my moms sisters) called me shortly after 10am once they got in from worship service to check on my mom- in the background I heard Rev. Hamilton’s voice. Despite everything my mom faced, this woman found the strength to get on zoom to praise the Lord. I was shame because I slept through church but Lord knows I was tired- and though the sleep wasn’t long, it was enough to sustain me.

My mom is my hero!

She is walking proof of 2 Corinthians 12:9-10. I just kept singing Yes Jesus Loves Me and I Love The Lord by Whitney Houston. God saw I was struggling; and He sent many angels to my rescue. See what two beautiful women of God wrote to encourage me:

To the Koinonia Women’s Support Group of SC I say thank you. To Rev. Hamilton, Jamika, the staff at Lexington Medical Center, Richland County EMS, Tal, Bess, Melissa, Regis, Rico, Ezelda, Jasmine, Mr Richard and Mrs Carolyn, Ms Brown, and so many others I can’t even list right now I say thank you from the bottom of my heart!

Now to shift gears a little bit. I want to encourage those who need a little encouragement on this Blessed Sabbath knowing that God will never leave us nor forsake us. We must all find glory in our weakness because the Bible tells us in 2 Corinthians 12:10 For when I am weak I am strong. I want to encourage you to hold on and don’t give up. You see when my knees were buckling and I felt like caving, I went and “drank from daddy’s well” like Quinn said. Because I know His well will never run dry.

My friend, on this blessed Lord’s day do you need to drink from the foundation that will never run dry? We should cling to God’s word and do as Paul did- find strength in our weaknesses. Though God gave Paul spiritual insight, God had to break Paul even further to used for God’s glory. Are you broken today? Through tests and trials Paul learned weakness is strength.

I used to be afraid to let people “see me sweat”, I used to hide my tears, and I used to cave all the time because I would get so overwhelmed quickly but by God’s grace I’m not ashamed to be vulnerable if it helps someone know the goodness of the Lord, I don’t care who talks about me if it means they see “the Christ is me”, and I don’t mind being the tail because I know who is the Head over my life- use me Lord! Use me as You use my mom. Strengthen in me and decrease Whitnee’ and increase You so through my weakest moments and even in embarrassment I may continue to give you praise and glorify Your name.

God is saying, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” He wants us to cast our fears and anxieties on Him, because He cares for us. The Bible tells us I can do all things through him who strengthens me. So in conclusion, I bless the Holy name of our Father in Heaven. Romans 8:26 says, Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning too deep for words.

Today I invite all who labor and are heavy laden to drink from My Father’s foundation-His well will never run dry!