I had a pretty eventful weekend, how about yourself?
I’ve smiled, I’ve cried, I’ve laughed, I’ve screamed, I’ve been numb but through it all I never lost hope.
Though it seemed like being stuck in the mud was “the worse thing ever” truth be told I’ve been in stickier situations than that and I didn’t have a tow truck to come get me out of it. But God surely has and He surely will continue to be there for me.
My plans had been to go deliver some presents while I was on the other side of town but things didn’t work out quite that way. It happened that the very persons I wanted to take gifts to; they came to me. Words still cannot describe the absolute joy I had from this encounter. I mean just PURE JOY! I was so happy I could have just cried but I couldn’t.
Could it have been that I was in mere shock or feelings of disbelief and being overwhelmed had taken control of my body. I’ve never had so many people rally around to bring such love, happiness, kindness, care, and so much more.
After they left the tears came. The smiles continued and the numbness seemed to be settling in a very unfamiliar way. I don’t think I have ever experienced the feelings and emotions that I was feeling. I didn’t know how to react so I sat quietly.
I resumed normal operation assisting my mom, getting dinner ready for the kids yet I felt strange. I couldn’t wrap my head around all the emotions, thoughts, and feelings. I couldn’t put words to this thing!!!
As things settled down I decided to go to work so I could get caught up and ahead of the early Monday morning rush. I had time to study scripture and look at some cards I had received from two very special people. Though I did not get to bring them all with me in my Bible case I was able to read one in particular that stood out and really brought joy to my soul!
It was a blog that a special lady had printed for “In remembrance of Chris.” The blog was written by Chris’ wife 18 months after his death. She spoke beautifully about how resilient their two children were and how she had surprised herself.
After reading her blog I wanted to read more and more and more. I wanted to write to her and let her know that I will be praying for her and her kids and to let her know that her blog had inspired me.
She mentioned at times she wanted to throw in the towel but she didn’t and she wont. She referenced her husbands hands and how she missed his hands.
After reading her blog I didn’t feel numb anymore. I wasn’t speechless, I didn’t feel weird anymore. I felt complete. I felt whole. I felt loved!
As I continued to open cards and cry by the generous words from people who didn’t even know me I felt God’s tender hands on me providing such warmth, such comfort, such peace.
Psalm 139 is beautiful isn’t it! Have you read it lately? If not I encourage you to read the whole Psalm.
For today’s message I would like to bring your attention to verse 2 and verses 23&24.
It reads: (verse 2) You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. (Verse 23) Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; (verse 24) And see if there is any wicked in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.
God knows us in and out. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is with us every step of the way. He will never leave us nor forsake us. So when we find ourselves feeling overwhelmed or to the point we are about to break; God knows. He knows it all!
God saw me struggling with things. He saw me fighting so many feelings and emotions and He saw me get to the point where I wanted to start shutting down and He took it all away. Again, I was numb. I didn’t know how to feel or what to do.
As I called on the name of Jesus, He placed it on my heart to go to work. From there He lead me to read the Word that lead into reading the cards ending with reading the blog “In remembrance of Chris.”
God saw my anxiety and He knew that I was helpless but I’m so glad this morning that where I am weak He is strong! I’m so glad He loves me! And guess what?!! He loves YOU too!
There may be one reading today’s message whom also is numb or just filled with so many mixed emotions they don’t know how or which way to turn; I encourage you to turn to the Lord in prayer and read Psalm 139. It’s like a beautiful love story.
God sees you where you are and He is inviting us into sweet fellowship with Him. He wants to hear from us. The conversation has already been began if you have prayed. God knows your hurt, your pain, your frustrations, your hardships, He knows it all. God can do the unthinkable, the impossible; He can move the mountain.
God is saying come to me and He will give us rest. God saw me tired and He gave me rest. He took me to a place of peace and restoration. He can and will do the same for you. Trust Him for He cares for you!
Dear Deanna,
It’s been 7 days since you left us…words can’t describe how I feel except for one numb…Numb to me because of all the compound grief that I am dealing with before you but you…Lord It’s like I can’t feel….I am hurting as I am flashing through all of our memories together….the ones that made you, me, and Marc laugh, the ones that made us cry, be mad at each other, but not too long. I am looking at how you feel in love with Joshua…just looking at the memories when he was turning two and you had him….us singing happy birthday…and don’t get me started with Madison AKA Annabelle. Lord we are going to miss you so much. I thought I had you long enough for you to graduate from Nursing School. I know God wants me to teach others about diabetes and educate them on it…I feel I am a little late of course because you won’t be here to see it. But I tell you what, it will be apart of my testimony…That My Deanna helped me get there. You have always encouraged me to do more with myself and I will. I know it will be a glorious day when we meet again. The biggest family reunion. I know food and substance probably won’t be apart of the reunion, but the love, joy, and happiness will last forever. I look forward to seeing you again along with all my family. Until we meet again. I love you.
She will be there when you graduate from nursing school. Her, your parents, and Marc will be there front and center shining and smiling down on you.
Can’t wait to see you fulfill your desire to educate others through diabetes and health education. Though you don’t possess the degree yet; you share your knowledge to folks like me. Greatly appreciated!