Whitnee's journey with Christ

Dear Mama,

It’s a party, it’s a party, it’s a party! It’s a party in Heaven that is, down here we are celebrating your birthday but WE MISS YOU SO MUCH! This is your first Heavenly birthday.

As I wipe the tears from my eyes and yell to wake Micah up I pause to reflect on the dream that I had that almost took my breath away. I woke up in tears because it felt so real- then I realized it wasn’t all a dream- because I couldn’t walk to your room and see you watching the news and sing happy birthday to you. I know you can hear me so I’ll sing it anyway.

🎶 HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MAMA, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! 🎶

This is for you mom.

So in the dream you were lying in the hospital bed- the doctors had just told us they were about to remove you from life support so Regis, Rico, and myself surrounded your bed. We talked, we laughed, we prayed, and in the end we cried together. Regis was making you laugh and as the doctor took the IV out of your soft and delicate hand you reached over to grab Regis’ neck and hug him. Rico held your hand so tight and you didn’t clinch but you rubbed his hand. I sat by the right side of your head and you just stared at me.

As the doctor prepared to take your EKG pads off you just stared at us all so I started saying words to bring some encouragement. I kept repeating “We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord.”

This comes to my mind often and this morning although I had to fight back the tears I rejoice knowing though you are absent from this body you are with the Lord.

I think back of all the notebooks and journals we have. Conversations we had via notebooks when you were unable to speak clearly because one of us misplaced your speaking valve, you were being stubborn and didn’t want to use it, or you were just too weak to use it. Anyway over the last few months before God called you home you would write “I can’t breathe,” or “it’s getting harder and harder to breathe.” God knew that and He saw you fighting as hard as you can, He also saw moments when you might have not felt like fighting at all and on the night of March 3, 2021 you heard God calling you, I could tell by the look in your eyes and you decided to walk by faith and not by sight.

You knew it would be hard for us to let you go and I believe that’s why on March 3, 2021 you pleaded with me not to take you to the hospital even though you weren’t feeling that well, then my dream last night would have become a reality. Because of covid you might of passed away alone but God saw fit to allow you to come home in the peace and comfort of your home.

It didn’t look or feel like a struggle like in my dream- you looked so at peace.

The dream made me sad at first but I know it was just a message from God through my dream.

He was telling me that you are absent from the body and rejoicing in Heaven. I know daddy up there throwing down in the kitchen. I’m sure grandma and granddaddy are all waiting to celebrate with you as you all rejoice daily over our God.

Though you can’t blow out your candles and eat the icing off of your cupcakes this year, we will let Emmanuel, Micah, and William do it for you.

I have to call Regis in a few and bring some cheer to him on your birthday. I’m claiming we will have a joyful celebration although the “birthday girl” isn’t here.

Mama it brings me so much peace knowing you don’t have to ever write those sad words to me anymore and you don’t have to worry about having ensure via tube feeds on your birthday but you can have the best cake our money cant buy. You can celebrate your birthday with the King of Kings, with the Lord of Lords, with the Alpha and the Omega, with the Great I Am!!!

When I think about the goodness of God and what He did for you mama and how He brought you such a mighty long way my soul cries out GLORY HALLELUJAH! My voice shouts GOD YOU ARE SO GOOD! My hands 👏🏼 in honor of what He did for you! My eyes fill with tears because of His grace.

He didn’t have to do it BUT HE DID!!!!!

I knew He allowed you to come to me in the form of a dream early this morning so I could see that beautiful smile on your face. So I could wake up early this morning and spend that sweet time when the house is still sleeping, getting my morning feast of the Word. I could feel your touch. I could feel the tenderness of your hands. I could see your face smiling back at me. What a wonderful dream.

What a gift to me on your birthday! Even from Heaven you are still thoughtful and putting others needs before your own.

Well Micah is off now and it’s time for me to get William and Emmanuel up for school so I need to start putting a wrap to this letter but first I have to say Happy Birthday again, I love you and I miss me some you!

Until we meet again mama.

Love Always, Whitnee’