Whitnee's journey with Christ

You ever tried to act like someone you’re not? You ever tried to fit into a crowd that just wasn’t on the same page as you? Ever tried something because all the “cool kids” were doing? Ever lost a part of yourself trying to be something you weren’t meant to be?

Yeah, me too!

I’ve tried short skirts, marijuana, tequila with the worm in it. I’ve tried living on the wild side and going to the bar with my homegirls, going to the club, I’ve even tried the strip club. I’ve dyed my hair purple, had blonde highlights, cut it short, wore it long, done the weaves, and rocked the natural.

I’ll admit some of the things I enjoyed, some I just tried for the experience, some to proof a point, and others just being young and dumb. I’ve experienced and I’ve grown. Some things I’m not proud of but I don’t live life with regrets because it made me who I am.

You see that was the problem all along. I couldn’t accept who God created me to be. I always looked at the magazines and saw the images of people who didn’t look like me and it was hard for me to cope with the girl in the mirror until one day it hit me- I’m not those girls- and they are not me. I’m exactly who I am- and that’s who God created me to be!

Once I gained self confidence, I finally realized I am who God says I am.

I’m not who the enemy tells me I am, I’m not the girl I used to be, I might not be the woman I should be, but I’m exactly who God created me to be. I’m walking in my purpose and I’m delighted God is lighting my path. I’m not defining myself by my flaws, but instead I’m allowing those scars to be shown gracefully through my writing, through my story, through who I AM! I’m a strong, black woman and I WILL STAND AGAINST ALL ODDS because God gives me the strength to endure.

Many folks have tried to knock me down, while I was down, they kicked me and spit on the thought of me ever making anything of myself. I’ve had fake friends, phony “so called” family members, and I’ve even had folks in church underestimate me but there lies the problem- I put too much faith in man and lost focus of whom I live for.

I’m a Lone Ranger now in a certain sense, but God comforts me in my lonely hours. He reassures me that my mom and dad are watching over me and their teachings still hold strong in my heart because though they are gone their teachings and love with love on forever.

Daddy didn’t teach me to hide my scars and cover my feelings to mask the pain. Mommy didn’t teach me to paint my face like a clown or hide beneath make up. No daddy didn’t teach me to quit, he taught me to rise up and be bold and courageous. Mommy taught me how to love, how to be kind, and how to worship God. Daddy taught me not to take no crap from man nor to dish it out to woman. Mommy and daddy taught me about Christ and how to live in His purpose for my life.

I wish daddy and mommy could see me now. I smile, though I shed tears. I am confident, though I hide beneath my writing. I am strong, though God uses my weaknesses. I am blessed because I am a child of God. I want daddy to know I finally get it, I tried so hard to be someone I’m not because I thought I wasn’t good enough but God is enough!

Every time I take a jab at myself I’m calling the Lord a liar and He cannot lie. Every time I allow the enemy to knock me down, I’m allowing God’s purpose to go void. And every time I try to hide who I am- God breaks me down and puts me on my butt. And then He blesses me with another day and He renews my mind so I can live to tell you today.

Like 1 Peter 3:4 says, it’s not about our hair, our clothes, our bodies, or none of that. All of that dies but our spirit lives on. I’ve waisted too much time in my life trying to “perfect” what is pleasing to mans eyesight that I’ve waisted valuable time perfecting my heart and trying to be more like Christ.

For you were once darkness, but now you are a light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the spirit is an all goodness, righteousness and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord.
Ephesians 5:8-10 NKJV 

Since I’ve come to grips with reality and I stopped fighting God’s calling for my life (had some ups and downs but I told God “YES, have Your way over my life) it’s time to get back to spreading the Good News, it’s time to be that beacon of light that God intends for all of His children to be, it’s time to “walk it like I talk it!”

I don’t know if you want to call it a mid life crisis or a rude awakening but I know God intended me to share my life through writing and that’s what I intend to do. So many I’ve tried to give up, so many times I didn’t want to share, so many times I had all the excuses in the Book because of feeling I wasn’t “cutting the mustard” not having a lot of comments, no likes, minimal readers, not a lot of subscribers, and honestly I felt like I was lacking the support. But then it dawned on me, this isn’t about Whitnee’ and it’s not for man, but I’m doing it for God. I’m spreading the Good News while showing people through positive encouragement that no matter what we face we are never alone. God is here every step of the way. Don’t ever doubt God and His infinite wisdom.

See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do nothing be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Ephesians 5:15-17 NKJV 

God’s word tells us that He commands us to be strong and courageous. He doesn’t want us to be afraid, discouraged, nor live in fear. Again the Bible tells us the Lord Our God will be with us wherever we go.

We have to trust in God and lean not on our own understanding. The enemy wants to steal our joy. Stop giving it up freely. We have to fight the good fight with faith and we have to “keep on pushing baby!” We have to keep it moving and be at peace. We can live in peace because God’s got it!

Yes we going to go through some stuff, heck we going to go through some crap, but God will work in and through it. He will have the final say so why not allow our Yes to be Yes and we start living our best life.

Let’s start, continue, and maintain being who God created us to be. Find strength in His word! Strengthen your faith. Allow His word to manifest in your spirit. Allow the Holly spirit to dwell in you. Fall in love with Jesus and allow God to be your groom.

It don’t matter what your momma, daddy, cousin, sister or brother says if it doesn’t line up with the will of God for your life. Be careful of false teachings and make sure you aren’t spreading “mans gospel.”

For You created my inmost being;
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14

I am a child of God and I’m not going to let nothing hold me back anymore. I’m living my BLESSED life and God is continuing to do a new thing in me. It feels good! I feel good!

I can’t worry about the “what if’s!” I can’t focus on the likes, the views, the subscribers, the support. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn’t, then at least I know I’m living my life and telling an authentic story and ITS GENUINE! I’m done fighting myself, I’m done hiding who I truly am because someone may not like my truths or take the time to read about them.

This feels right. I’m exactly where God intended me to be in this very moment. I’m going to walk with my head held high! God is giving me strength like I’ve never had before. I’m going to smile, I’m going to laugh, I’M GOING TO LIVE!

In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Ephesians 3:12

Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
Hebrews 4:16

God thank you for always being here for me and showing me how to love myself again. Thank you for allowing me to find my way back to Whitnee’ after hiding in my own grief. Thank you Lord for your shelter during this storm and thank you Lord for restoring my faith and confidence in You. I’m not who they think I am, I’m not who they say I am, but I’m grateful I am WHO YOU CALLED ME TO BE. And because of that I just gotta be me!