Have you ever experienced grief of any sort and the folks around you thought you were taking too long to “get over it” or questioned if you were coping with the situation in a healthy way? How did it make you feel? Were you hesitate to openly express yourself to avoid judgment or ridicule? If any questions apply to you we’d love to hear from you in the comment section below. If you or someone you know is experiencing grief, it is okay to seek help. Your help may come from your family, friend, the church, your faith, or even a medical professional. IT IS OKAY TO SEEK HELP, it does not make you look weak!
When I lost my dad, I was a freshman in college. I worked part time and went to school and after experiencing 3-4 deaths in a short period of time, I felt like I was caving in due to all the recent losses. I was experiencing what Tatayana and Kelly so graciously labeled it, compound grief. I had suffered 3 close deaths within my family all within months from each other, and then to loose my dad felt like pure hell. It felt like someone had ripped my heart out and stuck a dagger right through the middle. I was lost. I was torn. I felt like life just wasn’t life anymore.
For a while I was angry at God. I couldn’t understand why He would take my daddy. I needed my daddy. I was angry with God and stopped going to church for a while, I stopped reading my Bible, I think I even stopped praying for a while if my memory serves me correctly. I started drinking tequila to help me cope, starting smoking marijuana for a little while to help numb the pain, I let myself go mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I was lost and if I can be honest with you; I was so hurt over the lost of my dad I didn’t care if I was ever found.
15 years later I can proudly say I am finally at peace with the loss of my dad. It took a while and sometimes I still feel vulnerable and though it’s been 15 years I still miss him like crazy but knowing I’ll see him again gives me that peace and comfort I need to keep on fighting the good fight.
Then when I loss my mom last year due to cancer it felt like my heart was ripped out again. I didn’t want to bury another parent. I didn’t want to bury anyone. I had prayed that my mom, Rico, and the kids would bury me- I didn’t want to feel the pain anymore. God didn’t answer that prayer. Was I angry this time around though?! No I wasn’t.
My mom was diagnosed with throat cancer February 2020 and from the very beginning God gave me undeniable peace that my moms healing may not occur on this side. On May 4, 2021 her healing took place but not in the way everyone wanted it to; God called her home to be with Him in paradise. Was I said; heck yeah! Do I miss my momma; heck yeah! Do I wish she was still here with me; heck no! I rather my mom be with God knowing she fought long and hard until her weak body couldn’t fight anymore. I cry for her because I miss her but she is probably crying more for me because I still have to live in this crazy world.
I can’t say I’m selfish now like I was when my dad passed away. I wanted him here on earth even if it meant his body was wrecking with pain due to the sickle cell anemia.
On Friday afternoon I attended the home going service of Deanna, Faith’s sister in law. She had been diagnosed with leukemia just three and a half weeks prior to her passing and the night she was transported to MUSC, her room number was C360. I was so happy when I saw that and brought it to Faith’s attention and we rejoiced because we just knew that would be apart of her testimony when she got better and will tell her story.
Well on the morning of Sunday, July 17th she laid down her body that was suffering from leukemia and walked into paradise to receive her glorified body. I was in pure shock as I’m sure Faith and the rest of their family was because I just knew she was going to beat this thing. Though she is no longer here leukemia didn’t win, God did, and He had the final say. She may not be here to tell her story but each of us who knew her and love her can share her story through our smile (one her greatest assets), our love for others (her biggest and strongest asset), and by living a life that is pleasing to God.
In life there will always be death, there will always be pain, sorrow, joy, you name it. It’s not until we get to Heaven that we will see no more pain, sorrow and death.
With that said, in a sense we will all experience compound grief. We will all have times in our lives when we feel like we can’t escape the grips of tears and lonely nights. We will all have dark times in our lives but good thing about it is those times may come but they aren’t here to stay. Although sometimes it feels like sorrow has unpacked his bags and moved in upstairs; it only lasts for a season.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. God’s children I want you to know that we will feel joy again. We will smile again. The tears will dry up one day. The pain will cease. But know these things take time. And in the meantime we must rely on God’s word and His promises to sustain us because the Word tells us in Matthew 5:4 that blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Just because we are going through a season of grief even if it feels like days, months, or even years have gone by and we are still grieving God is with us every step of the way. He doesn’t cut us off and abandon us in our time of grief just because man may think you should “get over it.”
There is no way we can ever truly prepare to say goodbye to our loved ones even if we know their time here on earth is dwindling down due to failed health; find joy knowing you will see them again in eternity. My prayer is it will be in eternity with the Lord. Amen somebody!
Todays message isn’t about trying to tell you the right or wrong way to grief or to heal. Please do the research and understand there are stages to both and there is no time constraint on when you should get to the next step, but you have to get there, you can’t stay stagnant forever.
If you or someone you know is suffering a loss, healing from something, or grieving please be encouraged by God’s word and take the time you need to properly heal. Be patient with yourself and or your loved ones. Show grace. It’s a process but again you will feel joy and comfort again one day! It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but one day you will feel comfort. The Lord is near to the broken-hearted and saves the crushed in spirit. He is watching over us and is with us every step of the way.
John 14:27 says, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.”
Let us help one another as we come to realization that fully healing takes time. Learn and understand the process. You are not alone in your season of grief and/or healing. I’m happy I’m not alone; I had to learn to be open about my feelings and learn to lean on other people. It look me feeling like I was loosing my dern mind to do so- I pray you won’t be as stubborn as I was. Knowing God placed people in my life who could be here to encourage and comfort me while experiencing loss after loss after loss, restores my hope. God will replace the dark and lonely feelings with feelings of peace, joy, and hope. Trust Him! And remember God’s word in Lamentations 3:31-32, “My Lord definitely won’t reject forever. Although He has caused grief, He will show compassion in measure with His covenant loyalty.” God will pull us out of that dark place just in time, He will not put more on us than we can bear.
My sisters and brothers God placed it on my heart to tell you to be patient and more understanding with yourselves. Don’t suppress or run away from your feelings. Allow yourself to experience those feelings and learn how to channel your pain in a way that will not cause a rift between you and God. God can guide you through your stages of grief. Even Jesus wept so remember there is nothing new under the sun.
In conclusion, whomever is reading todays message I want you to remember there is a reason from everything under the sun. There is a time to weep and a time to laugh. No matter if is your season of weeping or your season of crying, trust God and lean not on your own understanding. Trust God and allow Him to direct your paths.
I dedicate todays message to my sweet friend Deanna. Your soul is resting and you are now reunited with your husband, Marc. Though you had to give up your physical body when you heard God calling your name on last Sunday, your spiritual soul will live on forever. I’m grateful for the time I had with you as I’m sure Faith and everyone who loves you feels. Your smile will forever be in my mind and in my heart; it reminds me of God’s love for us. Deanna death did not mean goodbye for ever, but our faith teaches us that it is temporary and we will see you again one day. Until that day comes, get your rest Deanna. We love you!! Tell my momma and daddy I said hello please. 😉
Great message Whitnee I’m continuing to pray for Faith and her family’s strength during this time. I have never really experienced the grief of losing someone close to me I have seen friends lose parents and other close relatives though and while I haven’t felt it myself I understand it definitely takes time to heal. No one should be rushed to heal. Healing also takes courage and strength the fact that you and others didn’t allow the pain and grief to over take you and cause your lives to spiral out of control and stay there takes strength! My heart goes out to you all. Rest In Peace to everyone that has gone on to be with God and I pray for peace to everyone who has lost someone and they are still grieving.
Amen my beautiful friend. Its encouragement like this and watching videos like the ones you post on your YouTube channel that provide hope and encouragement to keep on pushing on.
Thanks for allowing your bright light to shine. And we also thank you for your text line that will help folks during times such as this.
Whenever you get a moment please put the links here in the comments so everyone can use it for a source of encouragement.
Amen, I’m happy to serve.
I thank you Lavonda B. For your personal prayers that you sent to me. Thank you.
You are most welcome Faith 🙂💕
My Hun❣️
I can honestly say that I am and shouldn’t be still grieving Hun sometimes She has been gone since 2006….I wont say grieving, but I surely do miss her. I miss her giving me a couple of dollars to go get a little Debbie and bringing her something back as well. I missed the quiet times we shared. I missed me lying in the bed with her. I missed her doing my hair when I was about 6 I believe, she had all my hair pulled up in a pony tail except for a bang that ahe clamped with a ponk foam roller with the clamp. She would always make me a rogerwood sausage wrapped in a piece of “light” bread. I would have a sip or two of her coffee.When I moved with Marc and Deanna and she had to go to Miami, I missed her phones calls. She would say, “I thought you forgot about me. I would always laugh and say of course not. She would talk about the weather down there or talk about Howard. She would always ask me how I am doing in school. I never got to make it down to see her in Miami before she passed on. Marc told me while she was in the hospital she has dreams. She said I believe Timothy and Johnny coming by boat, Now I don’t know what that means but never got the chance to ask her. She said I had on a wedding dress that covered the Earth and Marc was standing next to me with a Bible so Big it covered his hands and he was preaching. She said she saw a futuristic train the tracks would appear before the train would move. Now me and Marc did have a conversation about it. At the time, we were wondering why Hun was seeing all this but confirmation when she passed….We were all in transition to Heaven and she was eyes in the sky watching. Amen. Until we meet again Hun. ❤Love you.
Rest in Heaven Mrs Hun!
My Big Brother Marc
My Heart was broken when Marc left me. I was so hurt. I remember all of us surrounding him in prayer with the doctor surrounding us as Sean began to pray. My heart was torn. I remember walking to back to our separate cars me and Deanna silently. When I started to part from her, She grabbed me and gave me the biggest and tightest hug and she told me she loved me. I told her I loved her too. I was upset, angry, mad all at the same time. I mean, you Marc were supposed to be here or at least I felt her was supposed to be. Marc was supposed to be here. We all were supposed to grow old together. I had prayed and prayed for healing. But this was God’s Will. I could not interject. I was blasting for God to keep Marc and realized that God did just that. He kept my big brother and I had no choice but to accept it and let God heal the pain with time. You left us 6 years ago. I miss your presence so much and can still see your smile and hear your voice. I can hear you say, Snookie the best is yet to come. I could never stay mad at you for long. We had a strong sibling bond just because of your love for me…all that you have done for me since I was born. I was 3 lbs and you held me in your hand. You told me you were not happy that my Dad was with our Mom, but me coming out of it made you a happy big brother. You never had any children of your own, but you allowed me to come live with you at the age of 12. I was thrilled to be with you and Deanna…excited because I will have my own room which Deanna had decorated with sunflower wall paper and that wall paper is still up to this very day. Soooooooo many memories… So many happy good memories. I dont know where to start. I am such a lucky person for God to have blessed me with such a God-fearing brother. You told so many about Jesus and had your walk in life. I know you were not perfect but I know you knew God and you followed Jesus and I believe brought others to Jesus. You did not have enemies that I knew of. Everyone that has spoken to me has only spoken of their love for you and how you was that dude that they needed and how you helped them. Oh how I love and miss you Marc. I know God needed your more. Until we meet again. I love you my Big Brother Marc.
💜💜💜💜💜
My Clarence
I remember when I was a little girl and you told me to call you by your name. Most parents are called mom or dad. Even my mom told me to call her Annette. Their reasoning is that so I would know their name if I ever was lost I would know their name not just mom or dad. So that’s what I called them. I remember my birthdays. You were not present but the cakes you bought me were. You never missed buying me a birthday cake on my birthdays. And I remember the field trips. Whenever Heathwood Hall had a field trip, you always came and got me and we went with the school. I remember you driving the school bus. I remember you taking me to the fair when Charity must have been only about 2 years old. I remember putting her on my hip as we walked around the fair when you were with Angie. It’s funny…all I remember eating are french fries and vinegar. You were a country cooking man. I remember you always frying chicken or pork chop, making a pot of white rice with lima beans with some kind of some of smoked hamhocks, or neckbones, or jawls, or fat back. It was all good in my eyes and belly. When I was older you would come by Burger King Drive Thru and I would feed you and Junior all the time. As time went on and as you smoked your cigarettes cancer came and took you away. But not from my mind and memories. I remember when I only had EJ. EJ must of been about 5 months or a little less. I went to Piggly Wiggly and you carried EJ around stopping complete strangers to introduce your grandson! I mean who does that???? Clarence Heatley Sr. does…I mean you had so much joy in your voice, smile, and eyes. I am so glad I got to give you that joy. I am so grateful that you were able to meet and keep Madison and Joshua and I can’t forget about Aunt Ellen helping you as well. Yall both are in Heaven Now worshipping God. I thank God for giving me you and all the time we shared, good and bad. I loved you dearly and miss you. Until we meet again. I love you Clarence(Daddy).
Rest In Heaven Mr. Clarence.
My Deanna💕 AKA(lil boy)
Oh my Deanna. So today was starting to be a little bit overwhelming. I had come home…getting the kids dinner and being in my feelings some about you. While I am at work, I am reminded of you. I don’t know if it’s your cooking or what…most likely it is. So I made cherry cobbler the other day and I just knew that was your favorite cobbler because we talked about it, mine being apple. I started to make a post about it and didn’t know if I was still in FB jail or not. Well you know how it goes you get caught up with work doing other things so I didn’t get to post about it…Not only that memories just flood my mind thinking of you, a lot of the times tearing up. But I try to relax realizing you are with Marc and everyone else doing things that eyes haven’t seen, and ears haven’t heard. I just miss you so. I remember you driving me to St. Andrews Middle School and me asking you can we put Erika Badu Didn’t Cha Know on repeat because I love her so. I remember you straightening my hair with the hot comb that you put on the stove. I remember you letting me drive the Lexus and me hitting it in the Exxon gas pump!!! You was pissed, but you let me drive the Camry. I remember you giving me $10. for lunch money. I remember us on vacation and us on the beach. I remember so much and just want to have another conversation with you. I didn’t have time to tell you about how these stupid people have not fixed or replaced my refrigerator yet. I am annoyed…I just wanted you to come over so we could have another cook out. I wanted you to finish decorating my house like you said yu would. I wanted to surprise you and finish paying off your mortgage and fix the insulation and provide the central heating and air. I wanted to do so much for you before you left. I wanted you to be there when I graduate from Nursing School. I wanted to take care of you eventually. Besides Hun, and what ever memories that I still have from Annette, you were Mom. My Mom and I was the daughter you never had. God may not have blessed you with your own son or daughter, but her sure did bless you with me and my kids who you have grown to love. You would post Maddie seems like everyday. EJ and Josh you posted but seems like Madison was your favorite LOL. I miss your posts…I miss your calls. I miss being on the phone with you. I miss coming up on the dirt road to find you either in your work chair or on the bed. I miss coming up there and you giving the kids snacks and me taking some snacks for myself. I miss you and I know your niece and nephews miss you too. I am just writing to say I love you. I miss you. Your presence is terribly missed; the love in your heart was abundant for me and my kids. I will forever be grateful for everything you have done for me. Until we meet again, I love you(lil boy).
Those memories will live on as long as you have breath. I know it will get hard; it is hard- some days harder then others but cling to those memories and shed tears if you have to, laugh, yell, do whatever you need to do BUT ALWAYS remember she is in your heart.
She can hear you so keep talking and her smile will keep lighting up every room through your memories.