Whitnee's journey with Christ

While sitting in Sunday school the spirit was on the loose! Such rich discussions are always brought up in Sunday school and it is one of many highlights that enhance my Sunday worship experience. Well on this particular Sunday, “out the mouth of a babe”, came the idea of a Blue Christmas. I had never heard of this until now. In all my years I have never heard it but with excitement me and a few others were interested and wanted to experience this for ourselves.

You know that saying, “don’t talk about it, be about it?” Well can I tell you that the Koinonia women and men didn’t just talk about it, we made it happen? My heart is just so full this morning I can barely type straight because my heart is overflowing with gladness.

Ever since I can remember, I’ve dreamt of a time when the believers of Christ could come together for a time such as this Blue Christmas. And it finally came to pass on last night.

The spirit of Christ was in that place. I could tell by the fellowship, hugs given and received, smiles, conversation, prayers, laughter, tears cried, and faces full of hope and prosperity that God called us together at just the right time. The way the Holy Spirit moved was magical!

I used to hear the Pastor say something along the lines of “decrease me, and increase You, give me Your spirit.” Well someone must have prayed that pray last night because not only was the Holy Spirit welcomed, He was present, it was so real and tangible.

I also felt my parents spirit in the room. I don’t know if I was alone in that regard but as we lit candles for our loved ones who will be celebrating Christmas in Heaven, the load I’ve been carrying got lighter. The tears I cried, are all with purpose, but I felt like that purpose was clearly shown last night.

I was telling Kelly that the responsive reading and liturgical reading reminded me of it was in the Reformed Episcopal Church. I can’t tell you how rich the Book of Common Prayer is and the calming peace as I reflect and think of going to church when mommy and daddy were alive. As a child I couldn’t stand the constant getting up and sitting back down in regard to the order of worship and I know over the years I’ve heard people think similar….but last night it all came back full circle. I felt safe. I felt at peace. I felt at home. It felt like a reunion of my first church family to include those spending Christmas in Heaven this year.

The resource that Kelly selected courtesy of Young Clergy Women International and Rev. Heather Hill was phenomenal. I wonder if they are from the RE church because it sure felt like being back at NST when all of the family was there. I even mentioned it to Cherise, and she thought the program was exceptional as well.

Y’all I don’t mean to brag but if I am; I can’t help it. You had to be there. You had to witness the presence of the Lord in this place.

New faces, old faces, young faces, beautiful faces, hurting souls, desperate souls, heavy hearts, confused minds, innocent thoughts, burdens, sorrow, relief, peace, joy, happiness, release, redemption, forgiveness, confession, purpose, assurance, contentment, full, strong faith, and God’s grace and timing. Those are all words I can use to describe what was felt last night.

I cried all night, I’ve cried all morning, I’m crying now because of how grateful I am to serve a God who knows it all. God knew what each of us stood in the need of:

• He knew I needed to see Cherise and receive her testimony. He knew our talk could encourage one another.
• I needed to see Ms Onnie and get all the love and hugs I’ve missed for the last two years. I needed her words of encouragement. I needed her presence.
• He knew I needed to see Mandie’s precious face, Ms Loretta’s smile, receive Ms Marcella’s encouragement.
• God knew I needed to see Stephen and his big heart full of compassion and love.
• God knew the meal needed to be simple yet hearty so we could focus on the spiritual nourishment over the physical.
• God knew we needed D’Etta to bring her beautiful mom and friend whose spirit lit up the room and the search in D’Etta’s mom sweater that brought tears of joy and sweet laughter to everyone as Rihanna’s song “Lift Me Up” played softly through her watch.
• God knew Jennifer needed to be here to capture the moment as she did so beautifully by taking pics for us. We needed the sweet encouragement and chatter from her daughter Sophia that kept the little ones at bay.
• We needed Ms Olivia present, front and center, and in my spirit I felt like she needed us.
• We needed the prayer of a beautiful lady and the positive energy from Cherise.
• We needed the charge of worship by my dearest Kelly and we needed her brain, her drive, her obedience, and her calling for this to all be possible.
• We needed all of the children who were present and alert and help lead us with the lighting of the candles.
• We needed Brycen’s restraint, discernment, and wise words to help keep peace at bay in the midst of the enemy’s attempt to cause confusion and distraction.
• We needed the boldness and support that Brittany’s children provided to one another.
• We needed the helping hand of our children that paved the way to help us get out in a timely manner and that fired us adults up to assist as well like Wiliam, Liam, Zenobia, Brycen, Zion, Zaveya and others.
• We needed Ms Rita who helped coordinate and set the tone.
• Last but not least we needed the poems and the heart poured out in those poems from Tatayana and Faith. Tatayana’s tears convicted my spirit and helped me to not care what others thought and helped me to release.

🗣️ I COULD GO ON AND ON AND ON BUT FOR THE SAKE OF TIME, I’ll stop here!

God gave me everything I stood in need of. I Even being a witness to something as magical as Koinonia’s first Blue Christmas. I keep emphasizing the word first because it was too good to be the last. I recommend every church, group, family, etc. have their own Blue Christmas and allow God’s spirit to flow and dwell within the hearts and minds of those who participate.

Before I close todays message I want to leave you with 3 scriptures that came to mind in reference of lamenting. And for the sake of knowledge let’s define lamenting. According to Webster, to laminate means a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. Biblically speaking it means to cry out spiritually.

1st scripture is the featured Scripture of the day: Psalm 130:1-5.

Again we serve a God who knows it all and with all my heart I believe God called us to come together not on our watch but in His timetable so He could intervene and provide hope. And He didn’t give us this to keep to ourselves but to share with the world so we could come together and strengthen our faith and focus our minds to put our trust in Him.

The 2nd scripture is Psalm 13:1 (if you have the read the full passage it is only 6 verses). It reads How Long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

Oh the Word is too good for me to just give you one verse so here is verses 2-6

1 How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

I don’t know if you have been suffering or struggling with something but can I tell you my brothers and sisters, it seems like I’ve been at a lost in one way or another for the 2-3 years.

Last night I was transparent and I admitted to loosing my mind after God called my mom home in March of 2021. And although I have gained so much and I don’t take it for granted, that lost hit me HARD! I went through a dark place but can I tell you right now IT WAS NECESSARY! Everything I’ve gone through, everything I go through, and everything I will go through is necessary. That is the same for you my friends.

I would not be the person I am today. I would not be in the place I am. I would not have the faith I have, I would not have the yearning for God that I, I would not have the patience, I would not have the freedom, I would not have the passion, I would not have or exist had it not been for what God has allowed me to witness.

I tell you all the tests that I’ve gone through while I was being tested I couldn’t see the testimony that waiting on the other side. I’ve been a hot ball of mess but I thank God for the message that came out. Y’all don’t know often I felt alone but then just in the Knick of time when I wanted to quit because I doubted I was worthy enough for God to bless, He came through right on time. If y’all don’t understand what I’ve gone through, y’all can’t understand my praise. I’ve got that ugly cry this morning and I’m not afraid to share it because IF IT HAD NOT BEEN FOR THE LORD ON MY SIDE, I don’t KNOW WHERE I WOULD BE!

Y’all in serious right now! God has been so good to me. He has blessed me with a family I don’t deserve. He has blessed me with a passion to encourage, when I barely could say two words to encourage myself. He has given me a story to write about just like you have your own story. He has given me the desire to write boldly and courageously and is given me a burning desire to further my studies to preach His word in the streets of the broken, desolate, abandoned, and those in despair.

Last nights service gave me the hope I needed to save me from overthinking, fear to be great, the grace I needed to forgive myself for falling short and missing the mark, it showed me I’m doing a little something something as a steward of God’s children because William made me a proud mommy last night, and it showed me that God is not through with me.

He has a plan for you and I. My sisters and brothers He is still writing our story, trust Him. God makes no mistakes. Everything you feel, know, see, and and hear is preparing you for your future in Christ.

And the 3rd and last scripture is Mark 14:35-36.

He went a little farther, and fell on the ground, and prayed that if it were possible, the hour might pass from Him. 
And He said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not that I will, but what You will.”

My friends I don’t know if you have had a moment like in the Garden of Gethsemane but I’m sure we have all been in a place where our souls were exceedingly sorrowful. I’m sure those who attended last night service or planned to be but couldn’t make, have been in that place. Maybe some of us are still in that place. No matter where you are always remember ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE THROUGH CHRIST.

Just as Jesus was tested, we are tested daily. But by the grace of God and the Holy Spirit even though we dwell amongst evil and temptation, we strive to be more like Jesus. Though we yet sin, He forgives us and gives us a restored mind, hope, and mind to do better.

As I close todays message I need to thank Eau Claire Baptist Church for lending us the space and time to have our Blue Christmas. I need to thank Rico and Dave who set up our display of candles that were lit. I want to thank my Sunday school class for such rich discussions and the wisdom shared each Sunday. I need to thank everyone who was involved in thought, prayer, and deed that made our Blue Christmas one that has left a permanent stamp of appreciation on my heart.

I pray that as we go into the Christmas season and into the New Year we will do like Jesus and commit ourselves to God even if we desire to do something else. I pray we can all find that safe space and be amongst believers and cry out to the Lord for help and in praise and thanksgiving.

God bless you all! Happy Holidays!