This morning I woke up to winds gushing and raging like something I’ve never heard before. It startled me, waking me and my family up. My slumber was so sweet but the noise of the trees beating against the window left me shook.
As I sit back and think about the events of today, I can compare todays forecast to how I’ve been feeling. Though the sun came through and shined so brightly, the raging winds made it so brisk and chilly that you needed a thick overcoat, hat, and maybe even a pair of thermals underneath your fit.
At times looking out the window I thought the winds left, but then moment later you could see the trees shaking their arms like they were joyful and full of life. You could see the brown, yellowish, orange, and multicolor leaves wrestling around throughout the air, sometimes appearing as if it was a leaf merry go round outside.
It was weather you wouldn’t expect two days before Christmas, but this is life. Same thoughts about all the thoughts swimming around in my head. Feelings of joy, grief, heartbreak, melancholy, feelings of despair, then moments of pure happiness, peace, and serenity. I never knew I could feel all of these emotions in one day.
After work I took a nap just to take a “chill pill,” and woke up feeling a little numb. My heart has been so heavy for so many hurting in my circle, my community, and in the world. It seemed like with every text or call I received came so many tears. I had to go in my peace haven and cook the tears away while listening to Pandora. God chose the songs very carefully. Every song that played spoke to my spirit. It brought peace during my mental storm.
In a world that seems so cold, dark, and lonely I am comforted knowing that there is still hope. I am comforted knowing and being thankful for the true meaning of Christmas and it brings peace because He is the light of the world. God’s word shed light on my emotions, and I was able to take a deep breath knowing I’m not alone in my emotions.
I recently was blessed to partake in a Blue Christmas with some of my sisters and brothers in Christ and I felt the weight of pain had been lifted. Somewhere down the line I picked it back up, or maybe this was a new weight. Nevertheless I had to give it to God.
Tomorrow I’ll attend the funeral of a classmate/friend. Right after Christmas I’ll accompany those going to support an old neighbor who died last night.
So much death. So much hurt. So much pain. So much sorrow. So much suffering. So much grief.
A lot of people don’t want to hear that, they want to suppress those feelings and act like they have it all together. I used to be like that, “fake it until you make it.” But I had leave that mentality alone; it isn’t for me. Now I just take my pastors approach, I realize it’s okay to not be okay. I honestly believe God comforts us at all times, but especially in the midst of our brokenness.
“If you return, then I will bring you back; You shall stand before Me; If you take out the precious from the vile, You shall be as My mouth. Let them return to you, But you must not return to them.
Jeremiah 15:19
Thank God for gospel music, the Bible, and the gift of cooking. That along with rest really helped me escape the hands of anxiety and anxiousness.
There are different strokes for different folks. Some have other vices that help them escape these emotions or thoughts. We all have them but it takes wanting something deeper to help us shake it.
For some it takes minutes while others it may take days, weeks, months, or years. No matter how short or long the time is; it will feel like ages when you are going through.
So in the midst of all of this, I find myself surrendering to God. I find myself calling on God more and more and just needing Him every second to keep on keeping on.
Since I don’t smoke and may take a sip or two (but don’t get drunk), reading the Word, writing, and spending time with God is my drug of choice. Like Faith said turning up to gospel music while getting drunk off of Bible juice and having a natural high off of His word.
I understand that not everyone is on the same path spiritually. Not everyone believes in the God I serve. Nor do people seek God when they are in trouble. I know and I respect that so I cannot persuade nor am I trying to convince those reading but I can encourage you to try God and give Him a chance to minister to your heart.
If I hadn’t been broken, if I hadn’t been beat down, if He didn’t come into my life and change me, if I hadn’t suffered loss after loss after loss then maybe I wouldn’t be thirsting for Him the way I do. You know the saying you don’t know if you can stand if you have never fallen? I’ve fallen and have the battered knees to proof it but the grace of God I get up and He helps me to stand.
In the life we have to learn what it means to endure some things. We have to be strong and understand that we will all face some type of challenges, pain and discomfort. We have to understand God is with us through these times and He has us in His hands.
I’ll admit I didn’t believe that when I was in a dark place years ago. Sure I was raised in the church and I know scripture but I was so overwhelmed with pain that I couldn’t see His hands in anything. I got wrapped around why little kids like Noah have cancer. Why folks like Ms Bobbie will have to bury her 2nd and last son. I used to wonder why would God do this. Then the answer came when I realized how spiritually ignorant I was. I had memorized scripture but didn’t apply to every day life. I didn’t believe it to be true for me. But God.
So here we are two days shy of Christmas and my heart aches for so many reasons. My mind is stricken with emotional distress yet I HOPE! Yet I believe! Yet I trust! Yet I seek God in and through it all!
God’s mercy and provision is so evident and I have to tell the story of how He set me free. I have to spread the Good News of how He used my pain to help comfort someone else in their time of need. He used my experience to help a friend facing thoughts of depression, loneliness, and anxiety. God allowed me to show compassion and be understanding towards others who don’t appear to be merry and jolly.
We aren’t Debbie downers. We aren’t anti-Christmas just because life happened during the holiday season.
Todays message is to encourage others who may feeling, going through, not sure how to feel, or just numb know that you are NOT ALONE; we are in this together. We can cry, laugh, eat, fart, scream, or whatever together.
Heaven is rejoicing with our loved ones who have gained their wings, so why are we so sad? They’ve made it and we have to keep on going. There is purpose for our pain. There is freedom in our fears. There is peace in the midst of distress.
Things will get better. The best is yet to come.
Embrace yourself, honor your feelings, be comforted knowing you are not alone. You aren’t crazy. You aren’t losing your mind. You aren’t overreacting or overthinking. You’re not faithless. You are human. Thank God you can still feel emotions because some can’t; think about that for a moment. Even in the darkest moments, we are blessed, because we are alive to feel. There is a chance to live and turn things around. Cherish that. Don’t take it for granted. Don’t deprive your right to feel because it doesn’t fit with the season.
Jesus is the reason for the season. He is the light of the world. Allow His light to shine on you, especially in the darkest of days. Allow His love to dwell in and through you. He cares about all 2879 things on in that pretty head of yours!
The featured pic of Joshua with gum and chocolate in his mouth set the tone of todays message. Hersey kisses doesn’t go with bubble gum but from the mouth of a babe, “I’ll make it work.” Sounds like a bunch of confusion and mixed taste buds right?! So we too must make it work for nothing is impossible with God!