Whitnee's journey with Christ

For I consider that the suffering of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.(18)
Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we light, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered. (26)
Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God. (27)
And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to fans who are called according to His purpose. (28)

Romans 8: 18;26-28

I started this devotional over a week ago when my heart had been heavy and I was growing a little weary due to something I’ve been running away from for a while that finally caught up with me- I was about at the end of my rope and instead of writing all I could do was cry out, “HELP ME LORD!” It was at that very moment I received a text out of the blue that said, The one day I told God, I’m done.” And He replied, “good now I can begin.”

You see sometimes we hold on to problems, worry, disappointment, things that steal our peace and cause anxiety, fear, and so much and all God wants to do is lay it as His feet. It’s no secret I’ve shared with you all some struggles I’ve faced and not putting it out there looking for self gain but as a way of encouraging someone else who may be facing hard times or struggling in any way to keep on keeping on, and it’s been hard. It has drained me and though I have kept my hope in the Lord and I know He sees and knows all about my troubles, I admit I’ve been weary.

There have been nights I’ve cried myself to sleep not knowing if I would wake him in the dark or on the street but you see when I said, Lord I am done..I need your help…help me Lord. Though the circumstances haven’t changed, my hope and my reassurance in knowing God is going to work it out in His timing and in His way brought peace.

It wasn’t meant for me to post anything because God was still working on me. By the grace of God I was in the right place at the right time last night. Pastor Jackie read from a book last night, she read so beautifully a poem that talks about “the dash.” Y’all know what I’m talking about. In between your birth date and your death date there is a dash right?! And so as she read from the book and talked to us about being slow to anger, showing appreciation to others, the golden rule, and so many other topics/principles that we can apply to every day life I started thinking about my dash. I started thinking about ways I could improve myself as I had already been in the mindset of completing a self assessment.

Thought I could have been at my child’s football game, God told me to open up Dolly’s House yesterday and get prepared for the crowd that will come. I only had two customers but in that quiet time I was able to calm my spirit and align my spirit for what was to come. I thoroughly enjoyed Pastor Jackie’s discussion last night in the Women’s Support Group and I’m so grateful that her words affirmed the things God had recently placed on my spirit.

Now let’s go to Scripture. The heading of my Bible for Romans Chapter 8 verse 18 says From Suffering to Glory.

When I first started writing this devotional I was suffering from mental anguish and psychological defeat BUT when I woke up this morning and God placed it on my spirit to write, I give all honor and glory to God and I thank Him because not only do I write with a humble heart, I write today with thanksgiving in my spirit giving all honor and glory to God.

Sometimes we can get so caught up on what’s going on around us and everything going wrong that we deflect and stray away from the purpose God is allowing us to go through what we are going through in the first place. This last week or so has taught me that though things are delayed, God hasn’t cancelled the plans He has for me and while I feel like I am in the furnace, I had to realize God is right here with me. He sees the tears, He sees the hurt, He knows my pain, He has heard my cry, He knows I’ve been anxious, He knows I smile to stop myself from screaming, He knows, He knows, HE KNOWS!!!!!! So I had to think to myself Whitnee’ because He knows why aren’t you resting knowing He can handle it. Why aren’t thanking Him and praising Him in advance for what He is capable of doing? Why aren’t you cheerful?

It’s not always ponies and unicorns when you wondering about your health, your home, your car, your kids health, finances, job stress, etc. BUT when we do what God says in Romans 8:25…But f we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance. Then it goes on to say in verse 26, Likewise the Spirit helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groaning a which cannot be uttered.

Transparent moment: God had been working on me and trying to get my attention but I was too busy trying to make ends meet, I wasn’t listening clearly. So He slowed me down. I got covid and was dealing with a sinus infection at the same time. At times I didn’t know if I was coming or going so I did the only thing I was taught and know how to do, I trusted God. I knew covid would not be my end. In my head I just knew this couldn’t be in the end for Whitnee’, I still have stuff to do, I’ve got to finish what He has started, I have young men to raise, I’ve got clothes to give away, I’ve got food to cook, background checks to process, etc. this isn’t the end. Right Lord?!

It was the end of my mentally beating myself up thinking I’m not doing enough, thinking I am not enough to shifting my focus and looking at myself how God sees me. It was the end of looking for what I’m not and what I don’t have and thanking God for who I am in Him and what He is allowing me to do out of my nothingness. I stopped looking at everything I haven’t done and started thanking God what He is doing in and through my life.

Every time I was believing what the enemy was saying to me I wasn’t believing God’s promises for my life. I got so caught up thinking Emmanuel, William and Micah deserve so much better that I put the focus on me instead of shining God’s light through me. Y’all I’m crying this morning writing these words because some of us never know just how much a person is struggling until they snap, they have a break down, and unfortunately looking at the news the last couple of weeks they take their own lives because they felt hopeless.

I have to shed light on this for a moment because mental health matters.

I’ve read too many stories on Facebook this week where young people are taking their own lives while folks ignored their cries for help. Not everyone has made the discovery that they can call on Jesus in the midnight hour and on the flip side, not everyone knows that He will answer by and by. Not everyone believes in the same God I do. Not everyone has someone positive in their life to help them keep going. Not everyone has an outlet they feel comfortable so depression takes over, hopeless takes over, etc. I want everyone that is reading todays message to realize and understand that though you might be in a place in your life where things are shaky or you have feelings of uncertainty, you can always take it to God in prayer. Let’s go a step further, be the person that sounding board that helps encourage someone off the edge.

For years I prayed and asked God to send someone to encourage me after my dad passed away because I was spiraling out of control, and God answered. He turned my hurt into purpose and that the same purpose that fuels me to this day.

Let’s stop being so self centered only thinking about ourselves because some folks don’t have a car, they don’t have a house, they don’t have a phone, they can’t afford the things often times we take for granted. I don’t know who I’m talking to this morning but I’m just grateful to know that as God is working on me, I am allowing Him to work through me. He is turning my suffering into something He can use for His glory!

What are you doing with the time you have left? What impact are you leaving between your dash? Don’t look at what you didn’t do yesterday, do it today! Stop putting it off until tomorrow because it may be too late.

And another thing, show yourself some grace. I had a little personal funk going on, but thank God I didn’t stay there and wallow around it. God sent me an Angel by the name of Pastor Jackie Utley, that allowed me to dig deep and truly look within myself to remove the self doubt and replace it with that edify the Body of Christ. Her words allowed me to stop with the self pity and ask God to renew my strength and make in me a clean heart. I thank God for her being real and being present in my time of need, a time of need many didn’t know until reading this. But I give the glory to God and I thank Him for not allowing the tears that should have broke me, to break me. I thank God for being an ever present Help in my time of need. I thank Him for rest. I thank Him for renewed strength. I thank Him me to fight yet another day.

I’ve been running for Jesus for a long time, and I’m not tired yet. I’ve got my boots on the ground and I’m ready to continue running this race now that He allowed me to re-fuel and be filled up from yesterday’s lesson and last nights cry.

Keep the faith. Hold steadfast. Keep praying. Keep praising. And never stop trusting God.

Weeping may endure for a night, but JOY cometh in the morning. Thank you Lord for allowing my morning to be today and for allowing my hurt and heartache to not be in vain. Lord don’t let my life be in vain, use me for Your glory and allow Your will to be done in my life. Amen.