Whitnee's journey with Christ

By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau concerning thugs to come. By faith Jacob when he was dying blessed each of the sins of Joseph, and worshipped, leaning on the top of his staff. By faith Joseph, when he was dying, made mention of the departure of the children of Israel, and gave instructions concerning his bones-Hebrews 11:20-22.

Therefore we also since we are surrounded by do great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sun which so easily ensures us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God- Hebrews 12:1-2.

🎶 Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Daddy, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!! 🎶

Hey Daddy, I hope you had a blast for your birthday. I was going to cook one of your staple simple yet oh so comforting meals when I got from church revival tonight (cannot wait to tell you all about it) but since I’ve already had an allergic reaction, I didn’t want to take chances with cooking it. Lord knows I miss your stewed tomatoes, rice, fatback, and Rogerwood sausage. You know what I just thought about Daddy?! I wasn’t allergic to tomatoes back when you used to cook them, wonder if it was the generous amount of sugar you put in them? Who knows but it was so good! You could smell it down the street.

What did you eat today? I bet the Heavenly stewed tomatoes and rice is out of this world!

So I know today’s your birthday and the conversation is supposed to be surrounded around that, but I have to tell you have a really serious talk. Daddy I miss our talks. I could talk to you for hours and hours and I still feel like I would have so much to say lol. My William is a chatterbox, thinking back now I see where he got it.

My heart has been heavy for quite some time as I have thought about how much things have changed and how it seems like no matter how hard I work or how many jobs I complete (even multiple in one day) it’s not enough to combat my rising debt. At times it has left me physically sick because of how overwhelmed or anxious I have been. I know we aren’t supposed to worry about tomorrow and I tell you though we often talk the talk it isn’t until you get the call from Dominion Energy saying you have until 11:59pm to have xxx amount of dollars or you get the call from your car insurance saying you are about to have a lapse in coverage. I know you and Ma had financial difficulties especially when you both were sick, but it never felt like we went without. As a child I really never knew the true struggles but you and Ma showed us how to pray and how to be grateful for what we had.

In the midst of me being torn about that, I’ve also been torn about my career vs. my passion/my calling. I’ve often wondered if I am being complacent or have I already stepped out on faith and just have to continue to trust God and walk through life trusting God. My mind has been a world wind of thoughts and I cried so many times but in this season God has been telling me to Be Still.

I’ve gotten lost in the “in between” and after doing some reflection today I realize that I have been ignoring the BIG PICTURE. God has been saying to me all along that He is the same God that was with me with me and Rico when we had a newborn and had to sleep in the car. He is the same God that allowed us to find a home and have the income to sustain it all. He is the same God that is with me now that has been my Provider, Protector, Strong Tower all along. He is the same God that has been my Daddy and my Momma. He is the same God that gave me the strength to speak at your home going, momma home going. And He is the same God giving the strength to write these words to you.

And it was confirmed tonight by Pastor Nathaniel Hobbs and his wonderful message tonight at revival…God never left nor did He forget about me, I’m the one who allowed my unbelief to cause me to stray away from His promises to me. I got so busy trying to make ends meet that I lost sight of what it meant to anker down in the Word. I forgot what it looked like to pray until God moves. I forgot what it meant to Be Still. I forgot what it meant to find rest in God.

As a child I was more charismatic and took risks but as an adult I have allowed the fear of the unknown to take resident in my heart and mind too long. I stopped asking the question, Lord how long and just trusted that God would make a way because I know He is able. I know He can do exceedingly and abundantly above what we could ever ask.

Over the last couple of weeks God has slowed me down. I guess when I wasn’t being obedient and doing things how the Lord would have me to do, He had to get my attention. This whole time I’ve been fooling myself thinking I’ve been running for Jesus but I’m seeing more and more clearly, I’ve been running from His will for my life. I’ve tried to do things and interpret things Whitnee’s way, but God knows best. He has closed doors that weren’t meant for me, He has allowed me to go without, He has allowed me to have aches and pains that force me to stop in the middle of my tracks and cry out Lord help me, He has allowed me to run this “rat race” that always leads me back to being on my knees.

I’ve found peace that I was able to wear today and a sweet friend of my mine noticed it. I’ve found blessed assurance that is more precious than rubies. I’ve found joy that God has given me and no bill, no car problem (yeah Devil I’m pissed because I found out I need a new transmission just after getting car repairs and can’t afford it but God is still getting me from point A to point B), no carpel tunnel, no sciatica, no displaced patella, and no demon in Hell can take a way from me.

God has been working on me and truth be told I’ve come closer to Him and honestly speaking it might have started because I had no other choice. A hard head makes a soft behind and Daddy I’m beat down, busted up, fat, and tired lol. I told God I was done and He said good!

Today I felt a shift. I felt a lightness I haven’t felt in years. Could it be because I finally learned what it means to lay my burdens down? Could it be I didn’t have to second guess myself and pick them right back up because it felt more comfortable knowing I have it- that’s the thing I don’t have it, I didn’t have it- BUT I PUT MY TRUST IN THE GOD WHO HOLDS IT ALL!!!

The man of God called us South Carolina Baptists out and said we have drifted from Jesus. I couldn’t look around the room, I knew that word was for me. The man to realign with Jesus, again I couldn’t look around the room that message was for me. I had to remember who God is, was, and will always be, I had to go to the alter and ask God for forgiveness, and then I have to get back to my first love. Through this process I’ve had to fall back in love with Jesus. I had to trust Him with my whole heart. I’ve had to relinquish what didn’t belong to me in the first place.

Daddy you know how you would say some folks so smart until they are dumb? Well I guess I’m a big dummy because I know these things, I say these things, I encourage with these things BUT I’ve been avoiding and running away from this responsibility for far too long.

I know you probably like dern how much you have to get off your chest for my bday, don’t worry Daddy I’m almost finish the candle is still lit on your cupcake 😊.

I’m trying to articulate all the wonderful things that God has revealed to me but I guess as I process things I can share more later.

All in all, I’m happy that God didn’t give up on me. I’m glad that He didn’t allow me to go off the deep end though I’ve had some toes in the water for a little while now. I’m so happy He allowed me to rest beneath the shadows of His wings. I’m so happy that He loves me in spite of my imperfections, my sin, my shortcomings, my unbelief, my disobedience, and any other way that I’ve fallen short.

Daddy I want everyone reading this message to not allow finances, politics, health, relationship problems, house problems, or anything to take your focus off of God. He had our attention during Covid when hundreds and thousands of people lost their lives, He gets our attention every time there is a school shooting, senseless killing, or worse BUT when God is guiding us on a daily basis and every thing seems to be okay, don’t allow His voice to go unheard.

Note to readers: God placed it on my heart to be transparent about the now because that’s what Whitnee’s Journey in Christ is. Every day isn’t going to be peaches and roses BUT God is faithful and He remains the same. I want you not to focus on what I don’t have and what I lack RIGHT NOW because this is only a season and this too shall pass. And my goal is to show you that I’m still praising God in the midst of what I am facing. I can’t fake with ya’ll and act like I have it all together and I have the answer because I don’t BUT as long as God allows me to keep this website going, I will always point us all back to God. He knows, He cares, and He loves. He is faithful, merciful, gracious, and mighty.

In conclusion, Daddy the best gift I could give you is knowing that your baby girl wants to walk closer with Jesus and I open my heart for Him to have His way in and through me. Use me Lord for Your glory! Give me strength and allow me to focus on You Heavenly Father. I guess it’s time for me to get a cushion Daddy, I don’t want a soft behind anymore 😂 it’s time to be obedient and trust His will and way 💯. I’m going to keep on praising and praying until He calls me home. I’m going to live for today. Ain’t no turning back now, it’s only up from here.