Whitnee's journey with Christ

Last night I went to sleep looking at the Holiday Baking competition when I should have been reading the Word. I enjoy looking at baking shows and cooking shows; it’s my favorite thing to do in my down time because I learn so much. Though I don’t have the desire to compete, the techniques and pieces of advice I receive from watching the various shows, I often apply when I’m in the kitchen trying to “be fancy!”

Before I went to sleep William came in the room and asked me to twist his hair and was trying to be manipulative to say it would be good mom and son bonding time. I quickly replied he didn’t care about mom and son time because when I tried to talk to him earlier when I picked him up from basketball practice he had an attitude, he didn’t want to talk. He said he wasn’t in the mood, and I replied I’m not in the mood now. Normally that would have prompted him to leave but he sat on the edge of the bed just looking at me shaking his head. I told him again I didn’t feel like twisting his hair tonight as he handed me the hot tea that I almost spilled trying to sit up. After noticing he had some scratches on his neck I asked him to get the Aquafor. Though I didn’t twist his hair, we had a brief moment as mother and son!

His skin was dry after getting out of the shower and he allowed me to rub the healing ointment on his back. In that moment it’s as if my now 13 year old had turned back into my arm baby that used to love and giggle softly as I rubbed Aquafor into his skin. After finishing his back, I applied the ointment to his arms and just looked and smiled at him as we had this time together. He turned around to place his legs on my lap and just like that, the sweet moment was over. He hadn’t realized he kicked my stomach but I didn’t want to make him feel bad I just told him he could put lotion on his own legs. And so he did.

Instead of getting up, he sat on the bed and just looked in the mirror. Out of the blue I began to tell William the arrangements I had prepared for him, Micah, and Emmanuel. He looked deeply into my eyes and asked me if I was okay and with a soft voice I turned my head and said, “yes son everything is alright!” Tears ran down my face as I looked up at him, it’s like he had turned into a young man overnight but in my eyes no matter if he was taller than me and started to get hair on his face, he will always be my baby. We shared a tight hug, he told me he loved me and left to go in his room.

After I was sound asleep God sent an Angel to me in my dreams- it was my mom!

The dream: The boys and I were walking around in Dollar General getting a few things we needed for the house. The boys always thinking I’m rich put a bunch of stuff in my buggy and on the counter. I told them to put it back because we didn’t have enough for all of that and technically they didn’t need it. Out of the blue my mom appeared. She didn’t appear in a heavenly sense…it’s like she was alive and in the flesh. She told the boys to get what they needed and don’t worry about putting their stuff back because she was going to pay for it. I told my mom that wasn’t necessary and she looked at me and said, “Whitnee’ stop it and take my card, I’ll take care of it and go back and get what else you need.” I walked away from my mom crying in disappointment with myself and trying to hide my tears from those walking around me. It’s like the more I put stuff back the more things were in my buggy. I couldn’t understand it but when I got back in line there was a crowd of customers behind me waiting to check out. I looked in my pocketbook looking for the debit card but couldn’t find it and was so anxious as I looked behind me at all the people waiting on me. Next my mom placed her hand on my shoulder and handed the lady at the register my card. My mom said, “Whitnee’ I told you I have it.” The lady at the register who just happened to be Mrs. Veronica said, “See baby what you worrying for, your momma got it.”

The 5:45 alarm went off and I woke up. I pressed the alarm trying to go back to sleep to see my mom again in the dream. I dreamt again but it didn’t pick up where I left off, the dream repeated it. My mom said, “Whitnee’ I told you I have it,” and she left.

But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that the message might be preached fully through me, and that the Gentiles might hear. Also I was delivered out of the mouth of the lion.

And the Lord will deliver me from every evil work and preserve me for His heavenly kingdom. To Him be glory forever and ever.
Amen.

2 Timothy 4:17-18

God spoke to me beautifully through this dream just as He spoke to me through William and spoke to me earlier through Rico.

In the dream the people standing in line when I went to check out in Dollar General represented the people in the world, many will look on with nosey or impatient eyes but we must stay focused. The Lord appeared in my dream as Willia Davis telling me, “Whitnee’ I told you I have it.”

When I went to bed last night my heart was heavy because the enemy tried to make me slip back into my old way of overthinking. He tried to bring about a distraction that would have me questioning my faith but God knew better and He allowed me to find rest in Him. You see after 49 days of being in pain and mental discomfort, God allowed me to take a breath without having to be uncomfortable and continue to wear a “diaper.” I told my sis that God told me, “don’t celebrate too fast.” And so when I got home last night and had abdominal pain that felt familiar from the 49 days, I began to shed tears. As I wiped my tears Rico looked and me with a stern look on his face and said, “cut that out. If God carried you through these 49 days, He is going to carry you through this. Stop worrying so much, it’s not going to be like before. And before you know it this will be over and you going to be okay.”

It’s been very few times since Rico and I got married that he would speak to me in a stern manner. Normally he would be like my Daddy and although my Daddy stood on business, he had a way of talking to me that was mild, tender, and full of compassion. This time Rico talked to me like my mom normally would, my mom’s voice could sound so cold at times though I knew she meant well.

So as I was telling Rico about my dream he said, “you know you’ve been dreaming a lot about your mom and you haven’t talked about Popz lately.” I smiled and told him well you know I’m a Daddy’s girl but maybe it’s because my mom’s passing is more recent. Rico said, “no you are a parent’s girl!” I quickly replied and said, no I’m definitely a Daddy’s girl but I guess God sent me what I needed at the moment.

“Behold, I have done according to your words; see, I have given you a wise and understanding heart, so that there has not been anyone like you before you, nor shall any like you arise after you. 
“And I have also given you what you have not asked: both riches and honor, so that there shall not be anyone like you among the kings all your days.
“So if you walk in My ways, to keep My statutes and My commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days.”
Then Solomon awoke; and indeed it had been a dream. And he came to Jerusalem and stood before the ark of the covenant of the Lord, offered up burnt offerings, offered peace offerings, and made a dear for all his servants. 

1 Kings 3: 12-15

What I found out while sitting here at my desk is God’s reassurance that He is everything we need. His love is so BIG, it is so captivating that He will be your son, your father, your mother, and your husband and through each role, He shows you that He is all we need.

Everything I am going through and please sisters and brothers I want you to understand the message through it all, don’t have pity on me or think I’m sad or feeling hopeless because I am not. I have drawn closer to God in the midst of my earthly circumstances but by the grace of God, He has opened my eyes to look towards Heaven!

I don’t know if you’ve ever heard William’s Murphy, Your Love, but I encourage you to listen to it when you have some time.

God has spoken to my heart in so many ways and I thank God for allowing me to have the peace that surpasses all understanding.

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser;
Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom,
And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.
For by me your days will be multiplied,
and years of life will be added to you. 
If you are wise, you are wise for yourself, and if you scoff, you will bear it alone.”

Proverbs 9:9-12

I thank God for the Holy Spirit. I thank God for being everything I stand in need of. I thank God for loving me. I thank Him for not giving up on me. I thank Him for forgiving me and showing me grace. Psalm 16:5 says, The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; you hold my lot.

I want to leave you with John 16:13. It reads, When the Spirit of truth comes, He will guide you into all the truth, for He will not speak on his own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak, and He will declare to you the things that are to come.

And in closing God told me to tell you like His word says in John 16:22, “Therefore you now have sorrow, but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.

My sisters and brothers I don’t know what your circumstances are and you may not understand my circumstances, but whether you are sorrowful or have a heart of joy, I want you to know that God is sovereign, He is gracious, He is loving, and He cares. There is nothing too small or too big that we cannot take it to Him in prayer. It is my prayer that on this journey with Christ we allow the Risen Christ to comfort us and bring joy in our lives no matter the circumstances for 49 days of pain, is but a second for Him. Joy cometh in the morning; remember that and be blessed!