Whitnee's journey with Christ

Yesterday was such a blur…..

I woke up around 3:00 am to check on my mom who had been coughing through the night. By the time I got finished with assisting my mom, so many ideas came to mind about our future home I couldn’t sleep. I ended up staying up and “dreaming” about how I wanted this wall to, that space, etc. I was so excited!

Daylight came and we still had internet access so I decided to allow the boys to sleep in. The day before a tree beach fell down and knocked the whole line down- for me it allowed me to have a little bit of quiet in the house so I wasn’t as much in a rush to have the technician come out like everyone else.

I was so excited I texted a few people to thank them for their part in making things possible for my family and I get to the point of where we are in the home buying process.

Hours went by and still no response. I was starting to get discouraged but I would not let those weary thoughts make me feel defeated. And then it happened….

It all started “crumbling” down so fast. Within 30 minutes I went from we are on our way to securing this offer, to your file is incorrect, to we need to speak to underwriting, to whomp whomp whomp!!!!

After a while that’s all I heard. I was driving back to the store and I looked over at William who was so excited we would be moving soon- how could I come to grips to tell him “maybe not son.” In that moment i was totally heart broken. It’s like someone called to tell me we winning the lottery was all a big mistake and now I’m millions of dollars in debt. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how to feel, I didn’t have the words to say. All I could do is call on Jesus.

I had pulled up to the house and thought of the words to say but they wouldn’t come. So I came in and sat down in my moms room. I told her all about it and slowly but surely the tears had started to fall from my eyes. I was so close to moving and starting the next chapter, and then this happened.

I kept looking at the positives and I kept holding on to God’s promises. At this point His promise was all I had. I felt the void of disappointment nagging at my chest, my head started pounding, the noise was so loud, I just wanted to run until I couldn’t run anymore. I wanted to just be left alone but that didn’t happen. I still had to perform caregiving duties, mother duties, and employee duties in the midst of my heart breaking. Though I knew God didn’t bring me this far to leave me I must admit this setback and uncertainty left me in suspense and it didn’t feel very good.

In spite of everything that happened, I kept claiming God’s promise for my family and I. Having blessed quietness was all I needed but the noise kept coming and coming. Well I don’t know if you ever had the experience where God uses someone to speak to you. Although I knew everything was going to be alright God used Pastor Stevens FB post to minister to me, He used Rico’s strong comforting arms to minister to me, He uses the steady pattern of Rico’s heart beat to silence all the noise around me.

Things were quiet I could finally think clearly. There were some distractions but I didn’t loose sight of who has all power in His hands. I had to truly walk by faith and not by sight. It was time to “walk it like I talk it.” How could I say “what God has for me is for me” but feel so low- so it was time to dry the tears and remember God’s word. I know God has something in store BETTER for us than if this house is no longer available.

I fell asleep and woke up around 1 am this morning. I had to go into the office to handle some quick things and I listened to my gospel music. I played Worth Fighting For by Brian Courtney Wilson for almost 30 minutes straight on repeat, then I listed to Made A Way by Travis Greene followed by Turning Around For Me by William McDowell. Those songs spoke beautifully to my aching heart.

I cried, oh how I cried. It was so soothing to just release all of that pinned up frustration, confusion, aggravation, etc. and cast it out to the sea. You see what had happened earlier with my mortgage counselor was pure confusion and the God I serve is not a God of confusion. He is not a God of chaos and of mess.

So I spoke victory over the situation and I continued to praise Him no matter how dark and desolate things were starting to look. For I know what God has given to me no man can take it away.

Like Mrs. Carolyn said, “continue to walk in the FOG.

Mrs. Carolyn, I’m walking in the favor of God and no matter how life throws me lemons I will continue to make the sweetest lemonade. No weapon formed against me shall prosper.

The devil might have thought he had me “nah bro” you don’t have Whitnee’. Yes I admit you hit me below the belt but you didn’t knock my Armor of Christ off. I am going to stay prayed up and claiming God’s victory over the situation.

This morning if you are experiencing a setback or things not going according to your plans; pray and give it to God. He cares for us and will love us closer than a brother. Things are leaning in my direction and if the house we saw isn’t for us then we know God has bigger and better.

Warning to the enemy: you barking up the wrong tree and you don’t want this smoke! I’m going to keep praising gang Savior and I’m going to giving Him the glory each and every time you try to knock me down. You are a sucker because you think you can steal my joy- “ain’t gonna happen.” I’m refreshed and I’m ready for round 2. BRING IT ON…..