Today marks 14 years that you left us. No matter how many years go by I still miss you like it was yesterday. Over the years I’ve experienced so much but the greatest joy to date is developing that relationship with Christ that you always preached about.
You once told me that if I was woman enough to do it then I should be woman enough to tell someone about it because it may just help someone. So today as I reflect back on that tragic day that you left this earth I’m going to do just that. It’s time for the mask to come off!!!
So daddy you know I haven’t written since the beginning of February- so many emotions bottled up inside. At times I felt like I was going to explode yet at times I felt so empty inside and felt like maybe my story isn’t one to be shared. Then it’s times like what happened to me on yesterday that remind me of the voice God gave to me and the strength He has blessed with me is to be shared with others.
So here we are daddy; it’s time to share! I’m going to let it all hang out. No more hiding, no more suppressing feelings, no more saying what I think people want to hear “I’m doing well, how are you doing?!” No more going through the motions like everything is okay but truth be told everything is not okay and at times I’m not okay but daddy; I will be okay. I will be okay because my faith in God and I know His promises for my life.
Dear Heavenly Father, I need your help! Help me to open my mouth and speak boldly to share the Good News. Allow me to be an ambassador in chains that will speak boldly to share just how good You are. And Heavenly Father guide my lips, guide my tongue, guide my mind, guide my thoughts so I can glorify your Holy and precious name. In Jesus name. Amen.
So you know I’ve been going through some things since mom passed away. I never knew my heart would ache so bad over loosing anyone as much as it ached when we lost you. You know I was a daddy’s girl but in the last few years God opened up my heart to make the space for mom too and I’m so glad He did.
Did you know I had asked God after you passed away to take me before he took mom. Can I be honest daddy? I was upset because God didn’t answer that prayer. I didn’t think I could see myself living without mommy or daddy. I didn’t think I could make it on my own. I didn’t want to be alone. I didn’t want to feel the void it left when both of you took your last breath but God has been sustaining me. Through the presence of the red birds and ladybugs I know you all are still with me.
And guess what daddy?!! We had a visitor our first few nights in our home. This particular night I saw a shadow in the night, I heard foot steps, I felt someone watching me, I felt the warmness of their presence and the peace in their hearts. Mom was telling me that she was okay and she would always be with us but my guilt didn’t allow me to accept it. As a matter of fact my guilt had taken control of me and it had gotten so bad I started to loose focus. I began to doubt my intentions, my actions and everything leading up to moms last couple of days on earth. I felt like a monster. I felt like it was my fault.
Knowing who God truly is I know He didn’t want me feeling this way. Although “I did everything I could to keep mom here”, I know it was her time to join you in Heaven. I just thought I would be able to tell her that I love her and that I was happy God allowed me the time, space, courage, and wisdom to take care of her. Daddy you think mom knows that? Do you think she knows how much I loved and adored her? And that I wouldn’t trade her for the world!
You know I wasn’t going to write but I was listening to music and moms favorite song came on “This Battle Is Not Yours.” I cried like a baby! I mean tears like no other. Then something said open up your Bible. As soon as I opened up my Bible Hosea 6:1-3 was highlighted. Beside the passage of scripture was moms obituary. I had not looked at it since the day of her home going. Truth be told I hadn’t opened my physical Bible since the day of her home going.
Guess what happened after that daddy? The song Ain’t No Need To Worry by Vickie and Marvin Winans began to play and those tears of sorrow became tears of joy. They became soothing and healing.
God has been speaking to me this entire time and the moments and reminders of just how God loves us is what I will hold onto when the enemy tries to hold this dark cloud over my head.
I know this isn’t much of a letter daddy but I just had to let you know that Thursday’s night support group really hit the nail on the head for me. I felt like God knew just the write words that would captivate my mind and empower me to continue to fight battles on my knees while thanking God for the test that ultimately is or will me stronger.
God has removed that fear and he has squashed the doubt in my heart.
Now it’s time to get back on track and continue to spread the Good News and be transparent. It’s been hard to be transparent when I’m so vulnerable and sensitive right now BUT then I thought this is the best time to open up because God always gets the glory.
I’m reminded of 1 Peter 4:7-11. I want to serve for God’s glory! I want to pick up where my mom left off and most importantly I want to continue her legacy of love, service, help, nurturing, and loving everyone.
Get your rest daddy. And I know it will be all over in the morning. So until that morning comes I’ll keep on writing and sharing and trying to encourage someone to do the same.
More later daddy, I love you!!
Awww!!!!! This has me in tears. I thank God for you showing your vulnerable side. What a blessing that was to me! Also with Tatayanna’s words of wisdom last night. I felt like crying then as she was talking…glad I was distracted by those baskets. Yes. It is hard with both parents gone. My open wound from my Dad still has a bandaid on it but I take it day by day. From childhood I felt so blessed because Mr. And Mrs Davis has always treated me as if I was one of their own….I am so grateful to have known both of them…One thing I can say that Mrs. Davis has truly taught me was how to be a woman of God and how to truly live for Christ because from the time I met her up until the day she went to heaven, that is all she did with a passion. Even in the times of pain dn sorrow…she still praised God. Oh how my soul cries yes and I know how I can honor her or is to follow in her foot steps. Love you. And thank you for this encouragement. ❤
To God be the glory! Thanks for taking the time for reading it.
Well the baskets was a great distraction and such a humbling and gracious on your part but I’m so happy you were able to hear the wisdom God placed on her heart. I feel like she was talking directly to me although I kept my phone on mute.
That’s all you can do is take it day by day and allow God to heal you and help you to cope with the loss of your parents.
Yes and I’m glad you know how much both of my parents loved and adored you- sometimes I felt more than me lol. But to know them you know that’s just how big their hearts were.
Girl you are right!!!! Yes that was who she was and exactly how she lived and the legacy that she left that all live on through each of us.
Thank you for the precious memories you have shared here today. I love you more and again to God be the glory!
Beautifully written doll. Im so glad you were able to be open. Writing for you has always been therapeutic i pray you continue. It not only helps you but it really touch anyone who reads it. Your parents are very proud of you, so am I. I will continue to pray for you and your family. 💗
Aww thanks big head that was so sweet of you. Thanks for taking the time to read it. Yes writing is my choice of “drug” it gives me a natural high for spreading God’s love and kindness to others. You’ve made my day!
Ok so y’all have me in tears and my colleagues are probably thinking I’m over here having a meltdown. lol!
I can’t remember everything I said 🙁 So I truly know that the Holy Spirit took over, as it often does. My story will forever, always be His GLORY.
Whereas I did not know Mr. & Mrs. Davis personally, I knew them through people. I know them through both of you as well as a mutual acquaintance. So much so, I definitely second everything that you lovely ladies have said about them. The love, service, guidance, understanding, acceptance, did I mention LOVE?…these things they showed their children and their children’s friends. I know they touched many lives, and I know God welcomed them both with a “Well Done My Good and Faithful Servant” (insert Hallelujah praise dance here)
Oh my, Faith and Whitnee you both seem so poised in your grief…there are times when I am like HOW are they this well together…and sometimes I feel like I may be reflecting too much and opening wounds. We miss our loved ones, but to know that they’re in a better place, not suffering, does bring a sense of peace. Faith, your dad KNOWS. Whitnee, your mom KNOWS. I have to remind myself that my dad KNOWS. I believe the last thing our parents would have ever wanted was to be a burden to their children. The same way God gave us the choice to follow Him, we had a choice. And we chose to look for, pray, and care for our parents. We chose to be there for them. They KNOW how much we loved and adored them. Actions speak so much louder than words.
Ok, I will not hijack your post any longer. This was BEAUTIFUL, MOVING, and I believe… a breath of fresh air.
Love and prayers to all of my sisters!! I love you, God Loves you!!
Girl you are just a prolific little bee of sunshine!!! Yes I truly believe the Holy Spirit uses you often and I’m so happy to experience and see His presence through you. What a gift!
Yes you are right my parents loved and accepted everyone and met people where they were without judgment or fault. It’s truly a blessing to see someone who may not have known them on a personal level to see how their light shined and will continue to shine through those who knew them.
I don’t know about poised per say but we can never share too much. It was that idea that kept me from writing which God was working on me inside and out but it is that transparency that helps to HEAL wounds verses opening them up. You just never know who feels like they are at the end of the road and may need to hear your story and your truths.
Yes God knows and I’m happy you shared those thoughts. What a relief! It helps me to continue to grief in a healthy way verses with regret or remorse.
Thanks for hijacking the post and continuing to let your light shine so beautifully.
I love you too!
Beautiful Letter
Thanks darling!
Whitnee, I’m sitting here on our back porch, finally having the time to read this heartfelt letter you’ve written to this daddy and my heart is so full! Oh, how thankful I am for you, my sister! Our group last night moved my heart, too. Tatayana’s grief triggers so much in me, too and I felt like my Dad was so close! God is so tender and good to connect all of us the way He has in this strong circle of sisterhood. We truly bear each other’s burdens, heartaches and joys! I will be praying for you all weekend long as you remember 14 years ago and just a couple months ago and all the time in between… May God comfort you and bring you peace and red birds and lady bugs! I love you!
Aww that you Kelly, you are the sweetest! Yes I felt my parents were close as well. I was so blessed to be able to join last night despite whatever else is going on. I truly would have missed my blessing had I not been apart of the group last night.
I thank God for you and pray His blessings upon you my sweet friend and dear sister.
God is tenderly caring for me and the family and I am grateful. Love you much!
P.s. I only have to walk a few short steps to see the prettiest lady bug and red bird thanks to you! 💜
It doesn’t matter how many years go by, there is still a level of emptiness for our parents. I know because I have lost both my parents. ( I am 65 ) You are the strong woman your father said you are.
Smooches
Geneva
God bless you cousin. I love you! I pray I can make him proud.