Whitnee's journey with Christ

As a child I thought tears were a sign of weakness; so I hid my face when I was hurt and needed to cry. I truly had the opinion “big girls don’t cry.” Just like the saying boys aren’t supposed to cry because they will looked down on like they are “soft” or have “cowardly ways.” Who ever came up with such foolishness?

In my adult years I’ve learned that tears are also a form of communication to the Lord. He hears our cry and He answers. He bottles each one of them up. So since I’ve learned this I don’t tell my Kids not to cry (well for my boys don’t cry over little things)- but I let them know it’s okay to cry and they should not have to hide their face or feel embarrassed.

To this day every time the kids see me cry they ask, “mommy what’s wrong why are you crying.” One of them will come wipe my tears and reassure me that everything will be alright. And they are so right, everything will be alright after while.

I am weary with my moaning; every night I flood my bed with tears; i drench my couch with my weeping. 

Psalm 6:6

At one point that was me but by the grace of God I haven’t gone to bed crying lately; for the Lord has allowed me to have sweet rest. And in the morning when I wake I feel refreshed.

Daddy would always say, “Whitnee’ there is a time for everything.” And then he would go on. I didn’t know he was planting the word of God in me at such a young age.

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Ecclesiastes 3:4

I’ve had my fair share up crying so now I want to dance. It’s time to change the tune to this old record that is been playing for so long. There is a breakthrough on the horizon and like me we all must endure. We have to run this race called life until the wheels fall off.

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:2

The Bible says that God hears the tears of the righteous and He will deliver them from their troubles. I don’t know about you but in the midst of all my groaning and moaning I have to make sure my relationship is right with the Lord because He is the one who can do all things. Yes it’s good to talk to your homegirls or whomever about it but at the end of the day all they can do is listen. Yes they can pray for you but the Lord is the one who has All power in His hands and can change things for you.

So the same way I prayed for God to have His way when my mom was first diagnosed with throat cancer in February 2020; I ask Him to have His way now in my life. I not once cried out and asked the Lord to take the cancer from my mom because He would not have allowed cancer to take place in her body again if it weren’t to glorify His name. My mom showed such strength and courage and faith in the midst of it all. She showed me what it meant to trust God in all ways. Not one time did she complain or question His decision. Not one time did doubt God’s plan.

So I think to myself often when I feel like my back is against the wall I have to remember that God is there with me. There is nothing we face alone. Doesn’t that bring such comfort knowing you are not alone?!! So every night when I was crying in silent not to wake Rico or the boys up I felt God’s arm around me; I felt the comfort that only He can give.

As I look back over the last few months and all the darts being thrown my way, it amazes me at how God has allowed me to miss each one. Yes I might have gotten a little snag here or there but I’ve never been pinned down by my trials and tribulations. Ain’t God good?!! I mean just make me want to shout. So I’ll shout!!! 💃🏻🙌🏽💃🏻☀️🎉💃🏻

When I was crying; I praised Him! When I felt hopeless; I praised Him knowing He is my hope! When I didn’t know which way to turn; I trusted Him! When I couldn’t see; God guided me. When I went to a dark place mentally; God has been my light in the midst of the darkness. When I felt like I was drowning in sorrow and defeat; God grabbed me and lifted me on every leaning side and told me it’s going to be alright. When I wanted to give up; He gave me the strength and courage to keep on pushing. When I felt like everything was going wrong; He changed my way of thinking. I’m a living witness that God will take care of you if you cast your cares on Him.

The songwriter says:

Come to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to Jesus, just now. Just now, just now. Come to Jesus, just now. Then He says He will save you, He will save you, He will save you just now.

In the words of Dr. Neal, Pastor of Antioch Baptist Church of Columbia, SC.

I’ve got joy this morning because I’ve sought the Lord and He has answered me and delivered me from my fears of the unknown. Honesty speaking because I’ve been a control freak for so long it was strange to move the way I’ve been moving. I was my worse enemy in terms of knowing how to step aside so God could work. I didn’t know I had it that bad that I wouldn’t even allow God to have His way in all things in my life. Yes it sound good on paper but was I truly doing. I say I surrender all but then when I fell on my knees or landed on my behind I knew it’s because I’m hadn’t truly given it to God and trusted Him with it.

Daddy always said a hard head makes a soft behind. And even though I know most men including mine might like a soft behind can I be honest with you; the soft behind I’m talking about doesn’t feel good one bit. No I’ve been striving to have a rock hard behind for the Lord because I trust Him and I know He won’t lie and He won’t fail me. My daddy is probably looking down saying “about time Whitnee”.

And if so daddy you are so right. It’s about time I stopped being foolish. It was about time that I stepped aside. It was about time to walk the walk for the talk I’ve been talking. I mean IN ALL THINGS. First I had to give up control over the situation with Shanya, when I did I lost contact with her. Sadly we haven’t spoken since September when her mom saw how close we were she cut that line of communication real quick and now Shanya doesn’t have a desire to talk to me or come around. Luckily she still communicates with her dad and brothers but I’ll admit it hurt. It doesn’t hurt anymore though. I know that one day she will come around and I will welcome her with open arms. Until that day comes I’m loving God more and trusting Him every step of the way.

Same way with my finances, in my home, with my moms health, in my marriage, etc. I know God has got this so I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to stay up at night wondering when Rico is going to come home or if he is going to come home because I know God is protecting me. I’ve tried to protect myself from being hurt that sometimes I forgot what I means to live and to take risks. I forgot what it meant to not worry because all I was doing was worrying. I felt like I was loosing everything and felt like I was being punished.

I can write and share about it now because I’m in a better head space now and I’ve seen the bigger picture. The Lord’s mercy and His comfort is that bigger picture.

Sometimes folks don’t want to tell the truth and shame the devil. Yes I admit I’ve had “trouble in paradise” and it kept me up many of nights not knowing whether this family God has built would be no more. All the outside had gone away months ago and all the nights being up with mom while she was sick and working full time, going to school, doing virtual school, trying to be active in my walk with Christ, all of that started to take a toll on me. It got so bad at times I felt like I couldn’t breathe BUT GOD!!! He breathes His breath of life and His word says “blessed are you who are hungry now, for you shall be satisfied. Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.”

I might not be laughing at the moment but I’m smiling and I’m happy. Like Mr. Rogers says “it’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood.” It’s always been a beautiful day in the neighborhood because even when I was going through it y’all, God remained the same. He is the same God yesterday, today, and tomorrow. So I thank Him right now for being consistent. I thank Him right now for nit giving up on me. I thank Him right now in spite of my faults. I thank Him right now for loving me when I felt I wasn’t worthy of His love. I thank God for wiping the tears from my eyes and giving me peace.

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

Psalm 126:5

You see when I write I don’t write out of discouragement. Yes, sometimes I might write with a heavy heart but that doesn’t mean I’m not trusting God. So today I don’t want you to look at the tears I’ve faced lately or will continue to face but I wrote today’s message to encourage you to trust God with EVERYTHING. I know momma going to be around because she is in God’s hands, I know we are going to close on this house when God says it’s time, my kids going to get their act together and be alright, my family is going to stay together and be stronger than ever, my daughter is going to speak to me again, my brother won’t keep hating me, my sister will communicate and respond when I’m checking on her, I’m going to get reliable transportation of my own and find a trustworthy mechanic to help maintain it….I SPEAK LIFE AND NOT DEATH! I CLAIM VICTORY AND NOT DEFEAT.

Just so, I tell you, there is joy before the angels of God over one sinner who repents.

Forgive me all my sins dear Lord. Whatever you are doing in this season, please don’t do it without me.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give yo you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 14:27

HAVE YOUR WAY DEAR GOD, HAVE YOUR WAY! 🎶 In the morning, in the morning it will be all over in the morning 🎶 It’s morning, let’s wake up, get up, and praise the Lord. We going to wipe those tears of sorrow from our eyes and fill them with tears of joy. We going to praise God through the good times and the bad times. We are going to trust God in all ways, we are going to continue to spread His love. We will hold strong in our faith. He will remain our hope. For we claim these many blessings in Jesus name. Amen.