Whitnee's journey with Christ

My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your eyes;
Keep them in the midst of your heart;
For they are life to those who find them,
And health to all their flesh.
keep your heart with all diligence,
For out of it springs the issues of life.
Put away from you a deceitful mouth,
And put perverse lips far from you.
Let your eyes look straight ahead,
And your eyelids look right before you. 
And let all your ways be established.
Do not turn to the right or to the left;
Remove your foot from evil. 

Proverbs 4:20-27

As we are coming to the end of 2025, I’ve had some much needed time to reflect. When the phone didn’t ring as much, when the email and text messages went silent and unread, and when there were no knocks at the door…there was nothing but time and space to see how I was going in a downward spiral leading to burn out, resentment, and anger. As a wife, a mother, a friend, a family member, a coworker, an aunt, a caterer, a self-taught Baker and Home Chef, and all the other hats I wear; I found myself lost in all the different roles I started to fade away. Not only was my health declining but my patience was wearing out. I started going into isolation because anxiety was at an all time high, everything was getting on my nerves and I started to get overwhelmed with the pettiest and simplest of things. And like a brick, it finally hit me! While you are busy being everything to everyone, when are you going to stop and realize you forgot about Whitnee’?!

As a woman it easy to put others first. We’ve been taught to serve and to give until it hurts. We’ve have been conditioned to do and do and do and do some more. We work, we cook, we clean, we fix messes, we step in to fill the gap, we put out when we not in the mood (I’m talking to adults here, we are all grown!), we break up fights, we put out fires, and back to that cycle…we give, we do, we are UNTIL WE CANT. Is there anyone who can relate to what I’m saying or is it just me?

I found myself in that category the last couple of months. Nah let’s keep it a buck… it’s been like this since early June. How many arms/legs does an octopus have? I needed more than 8 just to keep up. It wasn’t that I had my hand in to many pots. No it wasn’t the fact that I was able to work full time then come home and cook and clean before stopping by Dolly’s House for donations or to help someone in need, then going to my part time after dropping the boys off to basketball practice. Then coming home staying up to prepare for a catering drop off just to sleep 2-3 hours to do it all again the next day. See God prepared me for this because in order to do the desires of my heart, fulfill my life’s work and passion, I had to work on the 9-5 to be able to front the bill for Dolly’s House, Spry’s Durty Kitchen, and to pay the bill to keep this blog going. But y’all know all of this right?! Like I said earlier, as women sometimes we just have to do what we have to do!

My life is not for everyone. My lifestyle is not for you, it’s mine! So often I find people saying, “you doing too much” or “where your husband at” or “maybe your kids need to just sit basketball or football out this season.” As humans we can be so judgmental and it is very off putting to the point you are hesitant to share with others. While biting my tongue (to the point it is bleeding at times) I just shake my head and get back to the grind. The last time I checked I don’t have a silver spoon in my mouth, I wasn’t born rich, I’m definitely black, and I have to get it out of the mud just to survive. No need to complain, such is life. And that’s why I come on my devotional blog website thanking God for renewed strength, thanking Him for endurance, thanking Him for the will to fight another day. All glory goes to Him!

But anyway back to what I was saying. It’s not because of the sports, the jobs, the responsibilities of being a wife, mother, coworker, friend, etc. What I realized as I’ve had time to slow down is it’s the fact that I make myself TOO AVAILABLE to folks and although “you give them an inch, they surely run a mile without hesitation.” Ralph Davis would always say, “a person will not do but what you allow.” So I noticed looking in the mirror I’ve been looking broke down, busted, confused, bloated, and just a hot mess. Spare me the sentiments of Whitnee’ don’t talk about yourself like that. Well folks it’s the truth, like it or not! Sitting in the bed Friday literally I only got up to use the restroom, turn the light off, get my phone charger, and I might have went in the kitchen to throw something in the trash. I didn’t wash my face or brush my teeth until probably 6 or 7 that evening…truth be told I skipped showering on Friday but it felt good! Like my kids say, I’m not going hold you 😂 I wasn’t ripe or nothing so don’t be turning your nose up but about 3 o’clock Saturday morning I turned over and realized maybe it wasn’t wise wallowing around in the bed all day and got up to wash (I’m not talking about a bird bath either)!

Friday was a ME DAY! I normally only get them when I’m sick and even when I’m not feeling my best I still have some folks who think I’m superwoman and expect me to still do. And like moron, I normally will. But Friday I had to realize that this is not sustainable because I’m going to burn out. Or like the young people say, I’m going to crash out. I don’t smoke, not a drinker (besides an occasional sip of Stella Rose Black), don’t enjoy shopping anymore after I realized I’m a hoarder, and I’ve watched all the interesting cooking and baking shows on Hulu and Netflix so the next stop before the loony bin was to crash out and I’m not trying to do all of that. I say all of that to say REST is my new best friend. NO is my word for 2026! Self love, self care, rest, deeper devotional time with God, party of one, pajama days, home days, and phone on do not disturb is the way I’m going. I’ve put ACCESS DENIED IN 2026 as my personal destination for my internal GPS where no text, email, phone call, knock at the door, etc. can find the coordinates or location to Whitnee’.

So I ask myself did I have to almost curse my kids out, ignore people phone calls, left a message unread, hide the car in the backyard, put auto reply out of office messages on, or bleed out half to death for me to realize this?! I guess so but fortunately for me, I still have breath in my body to aboard mission and reroute my behavior to get better results in 2026. I’m not waiting for January 1, 2026 to start this…I started it Friday!

I know some of my homies are probably reading this and saying about dern time. Others are probably saying, “yeah right I know Whitnee’ going come through, pick up the phone, cook this or cook that, go this place or go that place, etc. when I need her. 🗣️ BBBBBBBOOOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGG!!! Wrong answer, you have no more chances…ACCESS DENIED!

Transparent moment: I felt a certain type of way as I’ve been going through some changes and I realized that the folks I make sure I hold down as much as I could, weren’t there for me. Some are too self centered and probably didn’t know anything about me. Some simply just don’t care. Some say “I’ll pray for you,” but the main ones praying on my downfall. And some don’t know their butt from their mouth (I’m just saying). And the reality of it is that it’s times like this that the devil will try to make your mind his playground. That’s where hate, resentment, anger, ridicule, malice, and other things started brewing and before you know it you a negative Nancy, you are toxic, bitter, hateful, spiteful, and just not pleasant to be around. I didn’t want that to be my story. I didn’t want that to be who I become so I had to push pause on some enabling habits or unhealthy behaviors that was slowly stripping me of my peace and preservation.

I haven’t snapped, I’m not mad, I’m not upset, I’m not delusional…IN FACT this is the most clear headed I’ve been since piles of 💩 got dumped on my desk back in June. I’m finally realizing what has become a major burden, a thorn in my neck, etc.

Ralph and Willia Davis would be so proud of me! My Daddy is probably in Heaven like about time that girl get her head out of her butt and learn how to say no. Always thinking that’s being mean or selfish but self care is not selfish. Who taught us that? I will no longer be a slave to man, to the system, to society, to traditional ways. TO HELL WITH THAT!!!! My balance has been off for years. I mean maybe I really had a balance. But all 2025 I read my daily affirmations, one that reads, “I will set healthy boundaries and learn to say no.” I read it and said it aloud every day but I wasn’t practicing what I preached.

In 2026 I want to become a better version of Whitnee’. I want to offer God my whole being and rid myself of habits, behaviors, relationships, toxins, etc. that don’t align with where I want to go in Christ.

The Bible talks about God first, valuing others and putting their needs above our own, and being of service to others BUT the Bible never taught us to neglect self. Being overworked and underpaid has conditioned us, staying busy all the time has blinded us, and being Black in America has given a courage, a boldness, and a strength that God created and live and hardships have cultivated over time, but GODS WORD has been my substance where I thought fear, feelings of unworthiness, lack of education, etc. was my only reward.

Sometimes God has to cause things to die in you before He revives you. I felt like I owed people. I felt like that was the kind thing to do. I felt like that was the polite thing to do. Nah bruh! Access denied!

I placed Proverbs 4:20-27 above for a reason. I wanted to put emphasis on verse 23. It talks about self love, self care, self worth. We see Jesus as a selfless person, a man of great humility, a man with a servants heart, a man who sacrifices BUT he doesn’t neglect himself.

To Whitnee’, I’m sorry that I:

• Kept pouring from an empty cup.
• Kept pushing yourself when there was no gas left in the tank.
• Kept ignoring the signs that you’ve got to take better care of yourself.
• Kept putting off things that I should have prioritized.
• Kept settling and thinking you were only good for others leftovers.
• Kept trying to hold people up who only wished to see you fall.
• Couldn’t see you were beautiful.
• Didn’t know you were worth it.
• Couldn’t see you are a gift.
• Didn’t know YOU ARE THE PRIZE.
• Didn’t like what you saw in the mirror.
• Wanted to mask the pain with an empty smile and the factory line, “I’m okay!”
• Didn’t believe that a short, chubby girl with a dark neck and gap in between her teeth could be A PHENOMENAL WOMAN!!!!!!

It was time for me to put down this baggage I’ve carried around since June. God had been inviting me to lay it down but I guess I was comfortable in what felt familiar but the new season where I am going, I don’t have space for it. I talked earlier in the year about exceeding the limit for my carryon luggage and now the wheels have fallen off. I can’t carry what no longer serves purpose. The weight I carried since 2019 and the heavy load I’ve carried since June was lifted on Friday. I don’t intend to allow myself to pick up back up as that would be a way of crashing and burning. No I’m walking in the season of abundance, of strength, of courage, of boldness, of being healthy, and opening the door of overflow. I am grateful for the lessons 2025 has taught me. I am humbled by the things I’ve overcome. And I am forever grateful for the hardships and struggles that have humbled me and will be my guiding light with God’s grace into the new year.

What’s your New Years Resolution? What has life taught you this year? Are you going to move differently next year or keep on the same?

To my friends, family, and loved ones I want to thank you for being on this journey called life with me and for loving me in every state I’ve presented myself in. All in all I have to be Whitnee’ and speaking the truth in love while finding peace, courage, and strength is the way God created me to be. If you know me then you shouldn’t take offense this blog and if it did make you feel some type of way- I apologize you took it that way. I’ll apologize for how you took it but I won’t apologize for how I feel or how I’m stepping different in 2026. If that means I loose friends, family, and loved ones along the way I do realize what the Bible says in the Book of Ecclesiastes.

To the people, things, places, and habits, and behaviors that we’ve come to the end of the road as we enter into a new year, I bid thee farewell. It’s time for me to mend, it’s time for me to heal, it’s time for me to continue pruning, and it’s time for me to grow by leaving you in the past. Like I said sorry not sorry but access to me going above and beyond and putting your needs before Whitnee’s…ACCESS DENIED!

To Whitnee’ that has been neglected, abused, and taken for granted by too many people for far too long and I just allowed it I say, I SEE YOU BOO AND I EMBRACE THE NEW YOU! You are BEAUTIFUL, you are WORTHY, you are FREE, and you are GOD’S CHOSEN/HIS MASTERPIECE! Internal GPS next stop: self love, self care, healing, intentionality, boldness, trusting God in mind, body, and soul, and walking in God’s grace claiming abundance and overflow!